“How To Make Small Talk As If Life Isn’t a Constant, Crippling Nightmare”— Reductress, reductress.com
“I’m Ready to Take Down The Patriarchy, As Soon As I Figure Out Who Stole My Fucking Hair Tie”— Reductress, reductress.com
“This isn’t a bra, it’s body armor. And this isn’t make up, it’s war paint.”— Iliza Shlesinger, youtube.com
“Never laugh at your significant other when they're having an orgasm. That is their time to shine.”— Iliza Shlesinger, youtube.com
“A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads. 'Hey,' says the man to the sign, 'If you can read, what does my shirt say?' 'I don't know,' says the sign. 'I can only read sign language.'”— why-the, reddit.com
“A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. 'Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?' he asks. 'Yes,' she purrs. 'I am.' 'Well, wash your fuckin' hands,' says the man. 'I w…”— HairyAssquatch, reddit.com
“Knock Knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, but I'll take a peanut if you have any.”— dagodon, reddit.com
“Knock knock! Who's there? Felix! Felix who? Felix my ice-cream again I'll smack 'im!”— nofelix, reddit.com