“The idea of 10 dimensions might sound exciting, but they would cause real problems if you forget where you parked your car.”— Stephen Hawking, books.google.com
“Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you. So we're even.”— someecards, someecards.com
“The next time you are trying to be creative in a meeting...lie down. If anyone accuses you of being lazy, quietly explain that you are employing your locus coeruleus in the war against rigid thinking.”— Richard Wiseman, amazon.com
“I love crossing the street while cars are turning cuz it’s like wow either you hit me and I die, you hit me and I sue you, or you don’t hit me and I get to cross the street either way I win.”— hacksign, lennonsjohn.tumblr.com
“Does your cat ever meow at you in a particularly rude way and you’re like EXCUSE me do NOT talk to me like this i am your m o t h e r.”— Anonymous, youcuntmakeitwetter.tumblr.com
“Ladies, if an obnoxious guy keeps insisting you give him your number, take his phone like you're adding your info, then Venmo yourself $4000”— Rob Fee, twitter.com
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.”— Jack Handey, reddit.com
“It takes 26 muscles to smile and 62 muscles to frown, so don't ever say that I don't go out of my way for you.”— Unknown, quora.com
“So despite all of our world issues (of which there are many), I’m happy to not be eating penicillin bread, while chain-smoking cigarettes while being measured for an ironing table and waiting for my baby to arrive in cellophane.”— Jane Drinkard, thoughtcatalog.com
“NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration. Then people said, "Nah, we just wanna get off the planet before this election.”— Jimmy Fallon, youtube.com
“Soon after I took this my headphones broke and I had to walk all the way back to hotel without my gangsta rap/musical theatre playlist x”— Rebel Wilson, instagram.com
“Singleness is just a state of being, like what color shirt you are wearing, or what hair style you are currently sporting. It isn’t inherently good or bad, it is totally value neutral!”— Jacob Geers, thoughtcatalog.com
“Even back in high school, when my other friends would have some significant other to hold hands with on their way to AP European History, I was holding hands with my textbooks or a giant bag of cookies I smuggled out of the cafeteria.”— Jacob Geers, thoughtcatalog.com
“I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com