“There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would be likely to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“Goodbye Hong Kong, I'll never forget the taste of your fish balls in my mouth”— Jenny Mollen, instagram.com
“Thank you, Hillary Clinton, for possibly becoming the first f...president. I would have said ‘female’ but someone deleted the ‘emale.”— Jimmy Fallon, nbc.com
“Drumpf is much less magical. It’s the sound produced when a morbidly obese pigeon flies into the window of a foreclosed Old Navy. Drumpf. It’s the sound of a bottle of store-brand root beer falling off the shelf in a gas station minimart. And it may seem weird to bring up his ancestral name, but to…”— John Oliver, youtube.com
“My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked t…”— Tom Waits, goodreads.com
“But how can I put this? I can’t keep my head above water one minute to the next: it’s not just the parties and the goo-gooing with what’s-her-name, I’ve got to decide how long the Five Hundredth Anniversary Parade is going to be and where does it start and when does it start and which nobleman gets…”— William. The Princess Bride: S Goldman, amazon.com
“THE AMERICAN ACADEMY of Emergency Medicine confirms it: Each year, between one and two dozen adult US males are admitted to ERs after having castrated themselves.”— David Foster Wallace, amazon.com
“It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.”— Max Eastman, amazon.com
“We are paying you to work, not chase fictional video game characters with your cell phone all day. Save it for your break time or lunch. Otherwise you'll have plenty of time unemployed to 'Catch Them All.'”— RichardKorry, imgur.com
“We saw a pokestop on the way to the gas station that had a lure module going off... four cop cars, all playing Pokemon Go”— opinionwaswrong, imgur.com