Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

Eddie Valiant: Seriously, what do you see in that guy? Jessica Rabbit: He makes me laugh.

— Peter S. Seaman, Jeffrey Price, Jessica Rabbit, Kathleen Turner, imdb.com

I find the more leisurely and pleasant my life is, the less funny I am.

Humor was a wonderful unifying thing in our family.

As my career took off and my appetite grew, I started to lose touch with humanity, and the only real connection I had to people was digestive.

— Broti Gupta, newyorker.com

Based on careful analysis of Lohman’s post-article analysis, the article may have been written by a policeman, a right-wing pundit, a restaurant worker, someone who just really loves restaurants, a small business owner, someone who just really loves small business owners, a podcaster, Milo Yiannopou…

— Walker Caplan, reductress.com

While Bass Pro Shops are known as a resource for catching and killing fish, the retail chain is also partially responsible for the birth of the most famous bass of all time.

— Brian VanHooker, melmagazine.com

My inaction hurt the people around me and spoke volumes about my priorities. While our leadership was embracing state-sanctioned violence against marginalized ethnic groups, I was happily skipping through the town square singing nonsense.

— Joanna Castle Miller, mcsweeneys.net

While I wholeheartedly believe in the healing power of jokes even in dire times (especially in dire times), humor and satire only go so far without understanding and empathy.

— Cathy Yang, stanforddaily.com

The last attempt to make the telecast shorter, which involved presenting a handful of awards during the commercial breaks, backfired spectacularly when it was rightfully pointed out that the cinematographers and editors should be recognized for their work. But under the 30-minute plan, everyone will…

— Gabriella Paiella, gq.com

Okay, so, that was just the stupidest surgery ever. I totally suck at cutting people open. I am the worst, ugh, take away my medical license.

— Shannon Reed, mcsweeneys.net

We’ve seen countless stories about what millennials have killed. From napkins to marriage to Applebees, just looking at headlines you’d guess that for the past decade the millennial generation's been on a rampage.

— Alexandra Saizan, pudding.cool

So, what if I told you that perfect skin was just one big belief in late-stage capitalism away?

— Grace Bahler, thebelladonnacomedy.com

Remember: you are going to live and die in this outfit, and you don’t have the cartoon character luxury of never aging so we’d recommend skewing more Daria than Rugrats.

— Miranda Kronfeld, reductress.com

What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? There’s no point.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Money doesn’t grow on trees, right? So why does every bank have so many branches?

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

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