“It's a clitoris, not a door knocker. Don't start smacking it around like you've seen your favorite porn star doing. Chances are she has built up a resistance to sensitivity that the common gal has not.”— L_Mousse, reddit.com
“I look at the saddest things in life and laugh at how awful they are, because they are hilarious and it’s all we can do with moments that are painful.”— Amy Schumer, amazon.com
“Humor was another of the soul's weapons in the fight for self-preservation.”— Viktor E. Frankl, amazon.com
“A Leo will hook you with their humor, and they know it. They have the ability to take in everything around them, and serve funny jokes about those things seamlessly. They will use exaggeration to make people chuckle, and groups will often be found laughing loudly in their presence.”— January Nelson, thoughtcatalog.com
“Your twenties are the worst part of your life that you don't actually know at the time is terrible.”— Julie Klausner, amazon.com
“I love crossing the street while cars are turning cuz it’s like wow either you hit me and I die, you hit me and I sue you, or you don’t hit me and I get to cross the street either way I win.”— hacksign, lennonsjohn.tumblr.com
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”— Erma Bombeck, amazon.com
“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”— Charles Dickens, amazon.com
“The American government is a very volatile, dangerous mechanism, and Hillary has the most experience with it. It’s like if you were on a plane and you wanted to choose a pilot. You have one person, Hillary, who says, ‘Here’s my license. Here’s all the thousands of flights that I’ve flown. Here’s pla…”— Louis C.K., vulture.com
“And that voting for Trump is a way of saying ‘fuck it. Fuck them all’. I really get it. It’s a version of national Suicide. Or it’s like a big hit off of a crack pipe. Somehow we can’t help it. Or we know that if we vote for Trump our phones will be a reliable source of dopamine for the next four ye…”— Louis C.K., variety.com
“Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana jump off a bridge. #Election2016”— Bob Kevoian, twitter.com
“Soon after I took this my headphones broke and I had to walk all the way back to hotel without my gangsta rap/musical theatre playlist x”— Rebel Wilson, instagram.com
“Singleness is just a state of being, like what color shirt you are wearing, or what hair style you are currently sporting. It isn’t inherently good or bad, it is totally value neutral!”— Jacob Geers, thoughtcatalog.com
“Even back in high school, when my other friends would have some significant other to hold hands with on their way to AP European History, I was holding hands with my textbooks or a giant bag of cookies I smuggled out of the cafeteria.”— Jacob Geers, thoughtcatalog.com
“I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com