“Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take my clothes off and she still has hers on? Then I really look like an idiot. She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them on, but what then if she tak…”— Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden. So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots!”— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect—I’m a much bigger idiot than you are.”— Peter Mehlman, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“I know all about audiences, they believe everything you say, except when you are telling the truth.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at is worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com
“There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com