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Jason Alexander

192 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Sep 23, 1959 · United States Of America · Male

Jay Scott Greenspan (born September 23, 1959), known by his stage name Jason Alexander, is an American actor, voice actor, comedian and director. Alexander is best known for his role as George Costanza in the television series Seinfeld. Other well-known roles include Phillip Stuckey in the film Pretty Woman (1990) and the title character in the animated series Duckman (1994–1997). Alexander has had an active career on stage, appearing in several Broadway musicals including Jerome Robbins' Broadway in 1989, for which he won the Tony Award as Best Leading Actor in a Musical. He appeared in the Los Angeles production of The Producers. He was the Artistic Director of "Reprise! Broadway's Best in Los Angeles", where he has directed several musicals. 2Early life Alexander was born in Newark, New Jersey, the son of Jewish parents Ruth Minnie (née Simon), a nurse and health care administrator, and Alexander B. Greenspan, an accounting manager whose first name Jay later borrowed to create his stage name. He has a half-sister, Karen Van Horne, and a half-brother, Michael Greenspan. Alexander grew up in Livingston, New Jersey, and is a 1977 graduate of Livingston High Schoo

All Dating (16)Attraction (11)Sex (10)Relationships (6)Breakups (6)Self-deprecation (6)Baldness (5)Women (5)Lesbianism (4)Revenge (4)Irony (4)Mental Illness (4)lying (4)Employment (3)New York Yankees (3)

From “Shallow Hal ”

You had me at 'get lost.'

Rejection Sarcasm

Rosemary: Is that a Member's Only jacket? Mauricio: Yes. Rosemary: So what are you, the last member?

member's only Sick Burns

Tony Robbins: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Mauricio: Have you heard the song 'Who Let The Dogs Out'?

who let the dogs out?Beauty is the in the eye of the beholder

Hey Hal, come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M.A.S.H.!

turd Corporal Max Klinger M.A.S.H.Gross

You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp.

Comeback Quip

Inner beauty's the easiest thing in the world to see when you're looking for it....The brain sees what the heart wants it to feel.

inner beauty Brain heart

From “The Subway”

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think, ‘That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.’

Heterosexual Lesbian

I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me, they're thinking: ‘That's why I'm not heterosexual.’

Lesbianism Attraction Unattractiveness

Make myself comfortable. What does that mean? Does she want me to take my clothes off? Is she taking her clothes off? What if I take my clothes off and she still has hers on? Then I really look like an idiot. She could get offended and leave. So maybe I should leave them on, but what then if she…

Comfort Neurosis Humiliation idiocy

From “The Pick”

You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know with the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk. Pasteurization, Homogenization. She was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.

Louis Pasteur Cockroaches milk Compatibility

I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take these glasses off, you can't tell the difference between me and a rock. I put these glasses on a rock. You know what jumps into most people's minds? Costanza.

Stability Mental Illness

I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air. You telling me you're not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?

Moses Nose-Picking Desert Bible

A beautiful successful intelligent woman's in love with me, and I throw it all away. Uh-oh boy. Now I'll spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment watching basketball games, eating Chinese take-out. Walking around with no underwear. Because I'm too lazy to do…

Success Love laziness Sloth

From “The Lip Reader”

You're giving me the ‘it's not you, it's me’ routine? I invented ‘it's not you, it's me.’ Nobody tells me it's them not me; if it's anybody, it's me.

Breakups It's Not You It's Me

From “The Seinfeld Chronicles”

George: She calls me up at my office. She says, ‘We have to talk.’ Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language. George: That or ‘Whose bra is this?’ Jerry: That’s worse.

We Have To Talk English Language

From “The Pie”

Conformity is an obsession with me.

Conformity Team Players Job Interviews

From “The Pony Remark”

You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's not like getting on a bus. One second. It's all mental.

Astral Plane Death

You know, I've been thinking. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur.

Hopelessness Dating Despair Sex

From “The Jacket”

I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

laziness dread Appointments

From “The Phone Message”

I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.

Suicide Suicide Notes Courtesy Irony

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