“Sometimes you’ve got a problem and you see a clear solution. Sometimes you see a problem, and you know the solution will be messy, but there’s still a solution. There was no solution here. The seal was perfect. An umbrella had the door locked perfectly.”— Mike Ponticelli, vice.com
“So, what if I told you that perfect skin was just one big belief in late-stage capitalism away?”— Grace Bahler, thebelladonnacomedy.com
“Hot people are always right, of course, and allowed to do whatever they want.”— Miles Klee, melmagazine.com
“The Loch Ness monster stays hidden within her own Loch for presumably similar reasons. In an attempt to escape the male gaze, she makes herself unavailable for all but the grainiest of photographs.”— Katie Heaney, thecut.com
“Do you ever sit there, leg dangling from the chair arm, arm supporting your head, and wonder if chairs could better accommodate those who don’t want to, well, sit straight?”— Josh Milton, pinknews.co.uk
“Joe Alwyn is a cup of plain oat milk and I can’t believe he is anyone’s muse.”— Jill Gutowitz, vulture.com
“I have to reapply deodorant before making a dentist appointment on the phone. Robert Pattinson lied confidently on live television. How did Robert Pattinson get to that point?”— Dana Schwartz, thecut.com
“Her followers then began to question if the bottle of Smartwater was intentionally placed beside her as she was lying on the pavement.”— Tanya Chen, buzzfeednews.com
“Remember: you are going to live and die in this outfit, and you don’t have the cartoon character luxury of never aging so we’d recommend skewing more Daria than Rugrats.”— Miranda Kronfeld, reductress.com
“But now he thought we were on a date. Because, technically, we were.”— Caroline Donofrio, cupofjo.com
“You’ve never seen someone go on a roller coaster come back with a blood-soaked face, so it’s not like you’re going to immediately deduce what happened and say, 'Oh, he hit a goose.'”— Mike Toole, medium.com
“We do know that she wishes her warmest congratulations to all those who have written a book. And, you know what, same.”— Cale Weissman, thecut.com
“If you don’t have time to read Twitter, you don’t have the time to post on Twitter. Simple as that.”— Amanda ReCupido, thebelladonnacomedy.com
“The world is filled with wonders, never forget!!!!! Make some bread today!!!!!!!! So that you can have it tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”— Edith Zimmerman, thecut.com