“My mother insisted we stay true to our Spanish heritage so my first words are *knock knock* Housekeeping.”— Bianca Del Rio, imdb.com
“I have 50 units of botox in my face, I don't know what y'all want from me.”— Trinity Taylor, imdb.com
“We believe there is no such thing as a bad congressional aide, only a poorly trained one!”— Sue D. Gelber, thebelladonnacomedy.com
“Develop lower-back pain from literal, not figurative, weight of book.”— Claire Friedman, newyorker.com
“cool that ariana grande forgives her exes. also cool that every day I relish in the memory of mine calling, furious, asking why i let him believe björk was pronounced “bork” for 2 years and that he just embarrassed himself at a party””— reply bi, twitter.com
“What... are you doing? With your face? The pursed lips, the terrified eyes, the strange, strained posture.”— Sam Diss, vice.com
“There will, unquestionably, be at least one club scene where people dance in slow motion to EDM.”— Madeleine Aggeler, thecut.com
“I told my husband I’d leave him for Robin Wright, and his only response was: 'Fair.'”— Jessica Valenti, twitter.com
“If Stanley Tucci were your boyfriend, your apartment would redecorate itself in only the finest and most luxurious of fabrics. The predominant colors would be Nantucket blue, slate grey, and the color of the sea before a storm.”— Daniel Mallory Ortberg, the-toast.net
“When my editor asked me to write a story about what it’s like to go trick-or-treating by yourself as an adult man, the first call I made was to the LAPD.”— C. Brian Smith, melmagazine.com
“it took me 15 years of eating them before I learned how to say “charcuterie” so the moral of this story is hard work and persistence pays off””— Scaachi Koul, twitter.com
“I like to imagine my brain as an orb that I can smooth out by subjecting it to stultifying television shows and inane conversations.”— Callie Beusman, thecut.com
“Trust me when I tell you that when I went on a date with the hostess of the Italian restaurant that I bussed tables at in college — only to later find out that the girl was the daughter of the owner — I’d not only written my resignation letter, but I also thought I was going to be whacked.”— Andrew Fiouzi, melmagazine.com