Quotes tagged ‘Puns’

(454 total)

“What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.”

“What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.”

“What do you do when your cat’s dead? Play with the neighbor’s pussy instead.”

“What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!”

“What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates? A tearjerker.”

“What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.”

“What do you do with a year’s worth of used condoms? Melt them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.”

“Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? She just couldn’t take it any longer.”

“What do you call two men fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.”

“What’s better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.”

“What should you do if you come across an elephant? Apologize and wipe it off.”

“How did Burger King get Dairy Queen? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.”

“Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.”

“How is a woman like a road? They both have manholes.”

“What do clouds wear under their shorts? Thunderpants.”

“What did one egg say to the other? Eggs-cuse me, please.”

“What does a farmer say after feeding a stick of dynamite to his steer? Abominable! [A-bomb-in-a-bull]”

“Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? They just don’t have the guts.”

“Why doesn’t anyone want to shave a crazy sheep? Cause it’s a baaaaaaaaaad idea.”

“What’s so bad about Russian dolls? They’re all so full of themselves.”