“Craigslist is a unique place where you can find a one-night stand or one nightstand.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Pizza chefs who have flour on their face at the end of a long shift call that a 5-o’clock shadough.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I saw a guy hold up his little boy to shield his eyes from the brightness and I thought, I hope he doesn’t lose those son-glasses.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Fall clothing really wears on my bank account. I want to stop buying, but I always end up swiping my debit cardigan.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Maybe it’s Maybelline, but what if it isn't? People shouldn’t just MAKEUP these insinuations.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I can’t eat breakfast without a couple slices of wheat on the side because I’m lack-toast intolerant.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“If you hate when people pull up next to you at a stoplight staring, revving up their engine and speeding off, you’re race-ist.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“For $10 an hour I’ll fart on your algebra book. Y? Not because mx+b, but because I’m a math tooter.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Will you marry me = a marriage proposal. Will, you, Mary, me? = A foursome inquiry.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Crowded gyms with occupied machines are the worst because we’re there to lose weight, not gain wait.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I’d love to have somebody gently scoop chow mein in my mouth because I have an Asian fed-dish.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“When a guy pulls his penis out, he can tell what his partner thinks about his size based on their sighs.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com