“Joey: ‘What are we doing?’ Chandler: ‘Wasting our lives.’ Joey: ‘I meant for lunch.’”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Rachel: ‘You idiot!’ Chandler: ‘I’m sure you’re right, but why?’”— Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, amazon.com
“Monica: 'Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.' Chandler: 'Uh, so how many cameras are actually on you?'”— Chandler Bing, Monica Geller, amazon.com
“Phoebe: 'You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.' Chandler: 'Maureen Rosilla.' Ross: ''Cause she doesn’t hate Yanni’ is not a real reason.'”— Chandler Bing, Ross Geller, Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“Chandler: 'I'm being transferred to Yemen.' Janice: 'I'll write you everyday...15 Yemen Road, Yemen.'”— Chandler Bing, Janice Hosenstein, amazon.com
“Chandler: ‘I got her machine.’ Joey: ‘Her answering machine?’ Chandler: ‘No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Couldn’t we just lose our virginities again? Because I think, actually, mine is growing back.”— Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“Joey: ‘It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.’ Chandler: ‘Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Suppose we’re a divorced couple.' Chandler: 'Okay.' Joey: 'And I got custody of the kid, right? Now, suppose the kid dies and I gotta buy a new kid.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!' Chandler: 'Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Phoebe: 'Hey, you know what I just realized? ‘Joker’ is ‘poker’ with a ‘J’. Coincidence?' Chandler: 'Hey, that’s ‘joincidence’ with a ‘C’.'”— Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”— Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking.”— Mark Twain, amazon.com