“Oh, it is wonderful dating in Miami. All the single men under 80 are cocaine smugglers.”Tagged: Miami, Dating, Cocaine
“Rose, he left me 38 years later for a stewardess that he met on a business trip to Hawaii. It was her first flight. They said, 'On arrival, give the passengers a lei.' She got confused, he got lucky, and they now live on Maui.”Tagged: Golden Girls, husbands, Divorce, Funny
“Things happened, you're damn right, things happened. 38 years happened. 38 years of sharing and... and crying and dreaming and fighting... and loving and... and children and diapers and... and... school plays and little league. And worrying if you'd get through your gallbladder surgery and wondering…”Tagged: Divorce, Cheating, Heartbreak, Bad Memories
“Dorothy: I do not snore. Sophia: Please, I'll bet less disgusting noises come out of Ernest Borgnine! [later] Dorothy: Ma, I do not snore. Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the windows so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!”Tagged: Snoring, Ernest Borgnine
“Dorothy: You know, Ma, you don't look good. Sophia: I'm short and I'm old. What are you expecting—Princess Di?”Tagged: Aging, Princess Di
“Dorothy: Why did I ever marry that man? Sophia: Because he knocked you up! Dorothy: Why did I let that happen? Sophia: Because he got you drunk! Dorothy Why am I even discussing this with you? Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!”Tagged: Drunk, Knocked Up, Marriage, Divorce
“Dorothy: Ma, where are you going? Sophia: [on Mrs. Claxton] To throw some holy water on her. If she spits up pea soup and her head spins around, we're in big trouble!”Tagged: The Exorcist, Linda Blair, Demonic Possession, Holy Water
“They were all buying T-shirts, you know, the ones that say, ‘Today is the first day of the end of your life.’”Tagged: T-Shirts, Mortality
“Oh, I remember when Stanley told me he was having an affair. It was at least 24 hours before I cut the crotches out of all his slacks.”Tagged: Cheating, Betrayal, Revenge