“Look at me, jerking off in the shower….This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.”Tagged: Jerking Off, all downhill
“Brad Dupree: Got a minute? Lester Burnham: [Phony, overly polite voice] For you, Brad, I've got five!”Tagged: Sarcasm, got a minute?
“Lester Burnham: How's Jane? Angela Hayes: What do you mean? Lester Burnham: I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it. Angela Hayes: She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love. Lester Burnham: Good for…”Tagged: Happy, Miserable, In love
“It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.”Tagged: surprise
“My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.”Tagged: Dead Inside
“[Lester has just caught Caroline cheating with the Real Estate King] Carolyn Burnham: Uh, Buddy, this is my... Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.”Tagged: Cheating, Cuckolding
“Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one—the day you die.”Tagged: Death, hopeless
“[at the dinner table] Carolyn Burnham: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? Lester Burnham: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass…”Tagged: Unemployment, Quitting, Mother in Law, Blackmail
“I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the…”Tagged: firebird, Pissed Off, boy scout, life flashing before your eyes