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Rob Seidenglanz

50 quotes

All Dark Lord (4)Grinch (2)Misandry (2)Birds (1)defiled (1)texas chainsaw massacre (1)pollen (1)Threats (1)Football (1)book of the beast (1)Cross-Dressing (1)snowflake (1)Lust (1)boyhood (1)Murder (1)

From “Chapter One”

You're only supposed to start missing things after you've said goodbye to them, right?

Miss you goodbye

I have reservations about saving myself for the Dark Lord. Why does he get to decide what I do or don't do with my body?

Dark Lord Autonomy

Sabrina: There's also the Harvey of it all. We very recently took things to the next level. Aunt Zelda: He hasn't defiled you, has he?

Next Level defiled

Ambrose: And what time will we be spellcasting? Sabrina: Midnight-ish. Ambrose: The witching hour? Spooky.

From “Chapter Two”

My name is Sabrina Spellman and I will not sign it away.

Standards

There’s no flying in my life without you, Sabrina Spellman.

Flying Codependency

We took their boyhoods. Until you release the birds, those four boys...won’t be rising to any occasion.

boyhood Birds Misandry

Some days, some nights I dream that I am walking into the Greendale woods, in the peak of dry season with a lit torch in each hand so that I’d watch the whole forest burn, like so much kindling. Have a lovely little sleep, my darling.

Dream Arson

Ambrose: Where’s Aunt Hilda? Aunt Zelda: She annoyed me, so I killed her and buried her in the yard.

Annoying Murder

Sabrina: I want freedom and power. Prudence: He will never give you that. The Dark Lord. The thought of you, of any of us, having both terrifies him. Sabrina: Why is that? Prudence: He’s a man, isn’t he?

feminism

From “Chapter Four”

I’m not proud of it but I was arrested for trying to blow up the Vatican.

vatican Subtle Jokes On TV

From “Chapter Five”

Ambrose: Can I help you? Madam Satan: I’m looking for someone. Not you.

sick burn

Oh, I haven't been this drunk, you know, since Queen Victoria's coronation. I woke up on the banks of the Thames.

Being Drunk When You Live Forever

From “Chapter Six”

I’m not an abomination, Sabrina. And I won’t be one.

abomination

Cases of actual demonic possession are extremely rare, despite what the False God and his propaganda machine would have you believe.

Demonic Possession false god Propaganda

How do you feel about wearing a costume while you’re working here?

costume

Nick: You're a rebel, Spellman. That's how I like my witches. Sabrina: Nicholas, to be clear, I have a boyfriend. Nick: Yes, but you also have two natures. You go to two schools. Why not date two guys? I'm down with sharing.

Living Double Lives When You're A Witch

I refuse to put the safety of my niece in the hands of a spinster schoolmarm and a British batwit.

Sabrina: Could you draw me a map? Harvey: A map? To what? This isn't The Goonies.

Who's talking about witches? Give me their names and I'll make sure they stop talking about anything. Permanently. It's just terrible when teenagers slip into comas, isn't it?

Threats

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