“If a woman holds up a stop sign, if she designed it, it would say 'If you really knew me, you'd know what you should do right now.'”Tagged: Women, Evasiveness, Beating around the bush
“Tim: There's two different types of pain. Pain and man pain. Mark: What's man pain? Tim: Man pain is when you do something stupid.”Tagged: Pain, Man Pain
“Tim: If I ever said it was hard living with you, just say one word, 'Al'. Jill: It's that bad, huh? Tim: His mother recorded his whole life on video tape. Last night it was three hours of Muskie Fishing With Uncle Phil. Did you know that in the seventh grade he built a replica of the Washington…”Tagged: washington Monument
“Tim: I go to the opera with you. Jill: Oh, once. I've sat through three Rambo movies. When was the last time you took me to a foreign film? Tim: Didn't we just see Le Robocop?”Tagged: french, rambo, robocop, Opera
“Jill: I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you. Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me? Jill: Oh no one, you know, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, the minister, the post man, some guy down at the mail box, you know, oh and Sheila, who said to me, 'Don't marry…”Tagged: Husband-Bashing, Misandry
“Randy: My dad's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card. Tim: Yeah, one more head injury and we win a trip to Hawaii.”Tagged: hospital, head injury
“Tim: My sons are interested in baseball cards as an investment, and they don't wanna get ripped off. Salesman: Sorry, all we do here is rip people off. Store policy.”Tagged: ripoff, baseball cards