“Maggie Malone Seaver: [on Chrissy's first day of kindergarten] You are gonna have so much fun today. Just remember to be polite, and share, and do what your teacher says.

Ben Seaver: Great advice, Mom. Why don't you just tattoo 'Dweeb' on her forehead.

Chrissy Seaver: Wait a minute. Nobody said anything about tattoos!

Maggie Malone Seaver: Honey, your brother is just using a figure of speech, as in: Put a sock in it!

Ben Seaver: Mom, on the first day of school, if you're not careful, you'll get a label that's gonna dog you for the rest-a your life.

Chrissy Seaver: [getting nervous] Like what?

Ben Seaver: Sit in front—Dorfburger. Answer any questions—Boogerhead. Hang out with anyone wearing glasses—Geekus Maximus. And most important: Eat the green jello—'Hasta la vista, baby!'

Chrissy Seaver: What is wrong with green Jell-O?

Ben Seaver: Leo 'Lime-Tongue' Plotnick.

Maggie Malone Seaver: And who's he?

Ben Seaver: Just the secretary-slash-treasurer of the Chess Club.”