“Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.”
More from Harris Wittels
“Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?”
“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.”
“Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not…”
“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”