“Alice Kramden: Now you listen to me, Ralph. My mother is coming here and you're going to be nice to her.
Ralph Kramden: Be nice to her? That's impossible! We don't get along. We're enemies, natural enemies. Like a boa constrictor and a mongoose. She hates me, Alice!
Alice Kramden: Ralph, Mother doesn't hate you, that's your imagination.
Ralph Kramden: My imagination? I suppose it was my imagination the day we were married and she went around telling that joke about me!
Alice Kramden: What joke?
Ralph Kramden: You remember, you remember the joke she went around tellin' everyone about me!
Alice Kramden: No I don't remember, what joke?
Ralph Kramden: Oh, yes, you do. She ran around the reception tellin' everybody 'I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton.'”
More from Marvin Marx
“Your mambo days are over! You want to wiggle? Wiggle over to the stove, and get my supper!”
“You know something, sweetheart? Christmas is...well, it's about the best time of the whole…”
“Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most…”
“Ralph: [to Norton] Hey, what does 'icky' mean? Ed Norton: I don't know, why? Ralph: Alice…”