“[after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can’t trust anyone. The first…”

“The first rule of Zombieland: cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go,…”

“You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government…”

“Wichita: Let’s play the quiet game. Columbus: I’ve actually been meaning to ask you, have…”