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Movie

Zombieland

by Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and 33 others(44 total)

Columbus has made a habit of running from what scares him. Tallahassee doesn't have fears. If he did, he'd kick their ever-living ass. In a world overrun by zombies, these two are perfectly evolved survivors. But now, they're about to stare down the most

Characters

Paul Wernick (44)Rhett Reese (44)Tallahassee (35)Woody Harrelson (35)Jesse Eisenberg (5)Columbus (5)Wichita (Krista) (4)Emma Stone (4)

It’s amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg, imdb.com

Horrendous shit storm

[after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can’t trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg, imdb.com

Trust Cannibalism

The first rule of Zombieland: cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons...were the fatties.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg, imdb.com

cardio Fat-Shaming

You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg, imdb.com

cock-blocking Robot Fucking

Wichita: Let’s play the quiet game. Columbus: I’ve actually been meaning to ask you, have you been to Columbus, because I’ve been trying to... Wichita: Have you never played the quiet game?

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Wichita (Krista), Emma Stone, imdb.com

quiet game colulmbus

Columbus: [Columbus and Wichita are drinking wine] 1997. Was that a good year? Wichita: Yeah! 1997 was a great year! I saw my first R-rated movie...Anaconda. Got my first tattoo, a porpoise. Fake. Had my first kiss...Scotty Lynch. Columbus: Did you guys...[gestures with fingers]...use tongue? Wichit…

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Wichita (Krista), Emma Stone, imdb.com

1997 Tattoos Anaconda orthodontist

So until next time, remember: cardio, seatbelts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I’m Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying goodnight.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Columbus, Jesse Eisenberg, imdb.com

cardio seatbealts

Wichita: You have just survived the zombie apocalypse and drove halfway across the country...where are you gonna go? Little Rock: [sticks arms up in air] I’m going to Pacific Playland! Woo!

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Wichita (Krista), Emma Stone, imdb.com

zombie apocalypse pacific playland

Wichita: Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that. Columbus: Really? Wichita: Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Wichita (Krista), Emma Stone, imdb.com

Guts puppy baseball metaphors

In Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies? ‘Los submarinos.’

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Twinkies Mexico

You’ve got a pretty mouth. [hits a zombie with a banjo]

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Deliverance Pretty Mouth

Hop in the car, Evel Knievel. Let’s go ride the rollercoaster.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Evel Knievel Rollercoaster

Come on! Anybody hungry? Tallahassee’s nice this time of year.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Hungry tallahassee

Where are the fucking Twinkies?

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Twinkies Fucking Exasperation

Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go. Columbus: And they’re so fat.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

slovenly fat Redundant

Columbus: Hey, for fuck’s sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don’t have enough problems. Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues. Well, get over it! We can’t just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass A…

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Fuck Shit Trust ass Hummer

Hey, a little help with movin’ the couch. We’re makin’ a fort.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

couch Fort

[Upon finding a Hummer filled with rifles] Thank God for rednecks.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Rednecks

Columbus: [in voiceover] You see, he was in the ass-kicking business and... Tallahassee: [Tallahassee, in flashback, rounds corner holding two chainsaws and wearing a welding mask, flips mask up] ...business is good.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Ass-Kicking Business

Here’s the deal: I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m sensing you’re a bit of a bitch.

— Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson, imdb.com

Bitch difficult

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