“What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? There’s no point.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Money doesn’t grow on trees, right? So why does every bank have so many branches?”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What’s the tallest building in the world? The library, cause it has the most stories.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, 'Spit out your gum' and the other says, 'Choo choo choo.'”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What’s so great about being a hitman? They all kill it.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!””— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it? A waist of time.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg? He’s all right now.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny, humor
“What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny Jokes, Puns
“I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.”— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.comTagged: Funny Jokes, Puns