Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Funny Jokes’

(32 total)

What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my pop corn?

— Maria Monrovia, thoughtcatalog.com

What did the pickle say to his fans? I’m kind of a big dill!

— Maria Monrovia, thoughtcatalog.com

What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyonce.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV? Too much sax and violins.

— Juliet Lanka, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field... But hay, it’s in my jeans.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, 'you know how to drive this thing?!'

— Brandon Gorrell, thoughtcatalog.com

How do you befriend a squirrel? Just act like a nut.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

Why do chicken coups always have two doors? With four, they’d be chicken sedans.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look I'm about to change.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts bragging in an open foyer.

— porichoygupto, reddit.com

People say smoking will give you diseases but how can they say that when it cures salmon.

— Fobibbly, reddit.com

With the market these days if you own anything but land you own a popcorn farm.

— Harold Ramis, Brian Doyle-Murray, Douglas Kenney, Al Czervik, Rodney Dangerfield, amazon.com

Quitting smoking, now that's a tough one. My wife and I made a deal, we'll only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack now since 1975.

— Rodney Dangerfield, youtube.com

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