Season 1

“Drake, be a dear and take my stuff upstairs. And while you're at it, unpack my stuff. And make sure you put my thongs in order by color!”

— Andrew Hill Newman, Grammy (voice), Randee Heller, imdb.com

“Scottie: [after the band got arrested for having fake tickets to a concert] I'm telling you, the tickets aren't fake! Drake: Are you sure? Scottie: Yeah, I mean I photocopied them myself! Rina: Scottie, you can't photocopy tickets! Scottie: Yes, you can. You just put the tickets on the glass and clo…”

— Andrew Hill Newman, Scottie / Drake Parker / Rina, Johnny Lewis / Drake Bell / Molly Orr, imdb.com

“[talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good.”

— Steve Holland, Drake Parker, Drake Bell, imdb.com

“Josh: [dangling from the roof] I deserve this. This is all because I forgot to feed my pet turtle, Sheldon in kindergarten. He went to heaven, and now my life is bad. [shouts] Josh: You happy, Sheldon? We're even now! Mr. Nichols: [offscreen] Josh? Josh: Sheldon?”

— Dan Schneider, Josh Nichols, Josh Peck, imdb.com

“Josh: [walking away from Susan] I think we handled that very maturely. Drake Parker: That felt good. [Susan opens her locker and gets blasted with purple paint] Drake: [sees Susan covered in paint; turns to Josh] That felt better. Josh: Yeah, it did!”

— Dan Schneider, Josh Nichols & Drake Parker (voice), Josh Peck & Drake Bell, imdb.com

“Josh: I wonder where Drake is with our pizza. Drake: I cannot believe I ate an entire pizza!”

— Dan Schneider, Josh Nichols & Drake Parker (voice), Josh Peck & Drake Bell, imdb.com

“You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.”

— Dan Schneider, Drake Parker, Drake Bell, imdb.com