Season 2

“Drake: [talking about the Gary Coleman grills] I'm telling you, we didn't steal the grills. FBI Agent: It was reported that two Caucasian males stole the grills from a factory truck. Drake: See! We're not Caucasian, we're white guys!”

— Eric Friedman, Drake Parker, Drake Bell, imdb.com

“Mrs. Hayfer: Drake, what's your favorite novel from the 20th century? Drake: Uh... Catcher in the Rye. Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong.”

— Eric Friedman, Drake Parker & Mrs. Kelly Hayfer, Drake Bell & Chelsea Brummet, imdb.com

“Josh: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test! Drake: [playing a driving video game] I am! Josh: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons. Drake: Do you know that for sure?”

— Dan Schneider, Drake Parker & Josh Nichols, Drake Bell & Josh Peck, imdb.com

“[Megan has put a bucket full of water over Drake and Josh's bedroom door, and it falls on Ashley Blake] Josh: Megan! Why was there a bucket on top of our door? Megan: Why was your door under my bucket?”

— Eric Friedman, Josh Nichols & Megan Parker, Josh Peck & Miranda Cosgrove, imdb.com

“Drake: Look who's gonna be at this after-party, Ashton Kutcher, Adam Sandler, Ethan LaRoche... Josh: Who's Ethan LaRoche? Drake: I don't know, but he's gonna be there! [later] Josh: Hey, Drake! I just got an autograph from Ethan LaRoche! Drake: Who's that? Josh: I don't know!”

— Eric Friedman, Drake Parker & Josh Nichols, Drake Bell & Josh Peck, imdb.com

“Josh: I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty. Drake: Well, take a bath when you get home.”

— Eric Friedman, Dan Schneider, Drake Parker & Josh Nichols, Drake Bell & Josh Peck, imdb.com

“Mr. Nichols: [needing a last minute birthday gift for Audrey] Uh, get her some toothpaste. She's always using toothpaste! Josh Nichols: Dad, there's two-hundred dollars here. Mr. Nichols: Well, get her some mouthwash, too! I'M JUST A MAN!”

— Eric Friedman, Dan Schneider, Walter Nichols & Josh Nichols, Jonathan Goldstein & Josh Peck, imdb.com

“Josh: Do you sell guitars? Guitar World Salesman: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know.”

— Dan Schneider, Josh Nichols & Guitar Salesman Dude, Josh Peck & Jeremy Kent Jackson, imdb.com

“You know what Josh? I have dreams. And sometimes in those dreams, things happen to you.”

— Barry O'Brien, Megan Parker, Miranda Cosgrove, imdb.com