Season 1

“The last guy I dated only hung out with me to play chess with my dad and the guy before that was just using me for my freezer.”

— Sierra Teller Ornelas, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Could it be a race riot? It's so hard to tell in the early stages.”

— Justin Spitzer, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com

“I can't be a single mom. I have never even driven on the highway before. What if the baby needs to go downtown?”

— Sierra Teller Ornelas, Cheyenne Lee, Nichole Bloom, imdb.com

“People assume all Christians are homophobes. You know, that is ignorant. You can't imagine how hard it is being stereotyped.”

— Sierra Teller Ornelas, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com

“I cannot physically touch you, but I can get very close.”

— Jackie Clarke, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“I'm a hunter. Some people like to hunt elk, or deer. I hunt people, and your head is going on my wall.”

— Jackie Clarke, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Tate: Why does a pharmacist want to slum it as an assistant manager? I mean, is this a prank show? Is there a camera watching? Just truth is, I need a break. Have you ever held a dying man's hand in yours while you had to tell him that we don't accept rewards points for his medication? He literally…”

— Lon Zimmet, Matt Hubbard, Tate Staskiewicz, Josh Lawson, imdb.com

“Yeah, am I tough? Uh, yeah, but I'm a pharmacist. I have to be tough, or people die. They don't pay me what they pay me to slack off. It's $116,670 a year. Yeah, so I'm doing pretty well for myself.”

— Justin Spitzer, Tate Staskiewicz, Josh Lawson, imdb.com

“A psychopath doesn't have a conscience. A sociopath knows what he's doing is wrong but does it anyway.”

— Lon Zimmet, Matt Hubbard, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Dude, you can't get everybody here to agree to join a union. We couldn't even agree on a theme for our summer barbecue. Ended up being 1980s Arabian Nights Under The Sea Harry Potter.”

— Owen Ellickson, Garrett McNeill, Colton Dunn, imdb.com

“Just want to let you know, I know names besides Steve.”

— Owen Ellickson, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com

“I'm a Christian too, but in these four walls, my bible is the employee code of conduct.”

— Justin Spitzer, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Do you want your child raised in a home with loaded handguns laying around? Or do you want your child raised by Glenn?”

— Jonathan Green, Gabe Miller, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Turns out they had a meth lab in their basement, which, turns out, was just a front for a dog fighting ring.”

— Lon Zimmet, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com

“God doesn't make mistakes very often, but when he does, you have to throw them right in the trash.”

— Sierra Teller Ornelas, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com

“I can't be a single mom. I have never even driven on the highway before. What if the baby needs to go downtown?”

— Sierra Teller Ornelas, Cheyenne, Nichole Bloom, imdb.com

“You are a journalist and a rapist, and those are the two worst things any person can be.”

— Matt Hubbard, Dina Fox, Lauren Ash, imdb.com

“Tomorrow is gonna be just like today, and I know that because today is just like yesterday.”

— Justin Spitzer, Amy Dubanowski, America Ferrera, imdb.com

“I've taken four breaks today, so I guess we both got stuff to brag about.”

— Jackie Clarke, Garrett McNeill, Colton Dunn, imdb.com

“Balloons are like our souls. They want to go up, but can't, and when you pop them, they scream.”

— Jack Kukoda, Glenn Sturgis, Mark McKinney, imdb.com