Youth and beauty are not accomplishments, they’re the temporary happy.
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The menu is not the meal.
Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last br…
Friendly reminder that Paris Hilton grew her inherited wealth at 5 times the rate and 3 times faster than Donald Trump.
We need more representation of boring bisexual people so boring people like me will have someone to look up to.
If you can't come out on coming out day, do not feel badly. I think it makes things better (in the long run) but it's tough!
Hot dog season is my favorite season.
In case you were wondering, WebMD has no cures for 'My dog just dragged her butt across my whole backyard & made eye contact w/ me.'
Take a selfie it'll last long-wait delete that one my eyebrows look fat take another.
I bet Jesus would have instagrammed a lot of pics of wine.
Knowing how to think empowers you far beyond those who know only what to think.
If aliens did visit us, I’d be embarrassed to tell them we still dig fossil fuels from the ground as a source of energy.
Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not.
Don’t know if it’s good or bad that a Google search on ‘Big Bang Theory’ lists the sitcom before the origin of the Universe.
Before you marry someone you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
When did avocado toast become the new crack cocaine?
I guess ultimately I just want to be someone's cell phone background.
The Backstreet Boys are releasing a new album, and all their fans ovaries are releasing their last eggs.
I wonder if Donald Trump watches footage of himself and thinks, 'I look great.'
Don't love the fact that I momentarily forgot I was in a Uber and started BELTING the chorus to 'Kiss from a Rose' but my driver sure did!