What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
Catalog
Website
via twitter.com
Why didn't the skeleton go bungee jumping? He didn't have the guts.
Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day. Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had.
I just found out the guy who stole my diary died. My thoughts are with his family.
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud? Udder failure?
What's a dog's favorite movie? Jurassic Bark!
Why did the golfer where two pairs of Spanx? In case she got a hole-in-one.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to 'be positive,' but it's hard without him.
Saw a blonde standing on one leg in front of the ATM. She said her husband told her to check her balance at the bank.
Which winter month do people sleep the least?February!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the pun becomes apparent.
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
A winner is someone who recognizes his talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills & uses these skills to accomplish his goals.
If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.
One tweet has brought together 1.7 million voices from 85 countries. Standing side by side, together, our movement will only grow. #MeToo.
I don’t think Americans are ready, psychologically, for how fast China is gong to overtake us as a world power on the current course.
Women fight on. And to the men out there, stand up. We need you as allies.
when Judy Garland told people about how studio heads had been abusing her since she was a child, everybody called her crazy. they still do.