“What does a baby computer call his father? Data.”— Razvan Radoi, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes, computer
“Why didn't the skeleton go bungee jumping? He didn't have the guts.”— Thomas LaRock, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day. Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.”— Peter Shankman, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“I once swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had.”— Vaughn Franklin, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“I just found out the guy who stole my diary died. My thoughts are with his family.”— Dan Thomas, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud? Udder failure?”— Paul Rice, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“What's a dog's favorite movie? Jurassic Bark!”— Tim O'Rourke, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes, Dogs
“Why did the golfer where two pairs of Spanx? In case she got a hole-in-one.”— Shad Powers, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to 'be positive,' but it's hard without him.”— Danny Bolton, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“Saw a blonde standing on one leg in front of the ATM. She said her husband told her to check her balance at the bank.”— Harry Hoover, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“Which winter month do people sleep the least?February!”— Steven McCracken, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“When does a joke become a dad joke? When the pun becomes apparent.”— Jacob Towne, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Puns
“As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.”— JoAnne Lichtenwalner, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.”— David Lamb, twitter.comTagged: Clean Funny, Jokes
“A winner is someone who recognizes his talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills & uses these skills to accomplish his goals.”— Kevin Garnett, twitter.comTagged: Winning, Hard Work
“If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.”— Alyssa Milano, twitter.comTagged: Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault
“One tweet has brought together 1.7 million voices from 85 countries. Standing side by side, together, our movement will only grow. #MeToo.”— Alyssa Milano, twitter.comTagged: Sexual Harassment, Female Empowerment, Sexual Assault
“I don’t think Americans are ready, psychologically, for how fast China is gong to overtake us as a world power on the current course.”— Matthew Yglesias, twitter.comTagged: Trump Administration, United States Politics, American Exceptionalism
“Women fight on. And to the men out there, stand up. We need you as allies.”— Rose McGowan, twitter.comTagged: Sexual Harassment, Sexism, Hollywood
“when Judy Garland told people about how studio heads had been abusing her since she was a child, everybody called her crazy. they still do.”— The Mountain Goats, twitter.comTagged: Hollywood, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Harassment, Harvey Weinstein