“Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Someone told her drinks were on the house.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Dear alcohol: We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer...I saw the video...we need to talk.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotaler. I don't like beer.”— George Bernard Shaw, amazon.com
“So we started drinking, and I'll tell you I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia, but the next think I knew she was mopping the floor with me.”— Larry David, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com
“We should legalize drugs the same way we legalize alcohol and smoking, and then let those people have to deal with the consequences of their actions. But you can't prohibit it—it doesn't work, it didn't work in the twenties, it doesn't work today.”— Al Goldstein, jimgoad.net
“Drinking non alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister Sure it may taste the same but it's just not right.”— Medz86, reddit.com
“Suggested remedy for the common cold: A good gulp of whiskey at bedtime-it's not very scientific, but it helps.”— Alexander Fleming, amazon.com
“You don't have to not drink for twenty years today. You don't have to give up white bread for all eternity, right now. This "one day at a time" cliche when taken plainly is no less profound than any "be in the moment" Eastern wisdom I've since encountered.”— Russell Brand, amazon.com
“A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.”— Jackie Gleason, books.google.com
“I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.”— Jackie Gleason, books.google.com
“Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.”— Jackie Gleason, books.google.com
“College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking..”— David Sedaris, amazon.com
“Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is sure to follow. The guests will repeat themselves one too many times, or you'll run out of dope or liquor and realize that it was all you ever had in common.”— David Sedaris, amazon.com
“Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.”— Holly Madison, amazon.com