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Quotes tagged ‘blonde’

(65 total)

How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

On a flight to L.A., a blonde leaves her seat in coach and goes and sits in first class. When the stewardess tells her she has to return to her seat, the blonde says 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm staying right here until we reach L.A.'. The stewardess talks to the flight crew, so the co-pilot…

— Reddit, reddit.com

This man had sex with a blonde bomb shell. He pulled out a cigarette and lights up, then asks, 'Do you smoke after sex?' She looks down at her vagina with enthusiasm and says, 'I don't know! I've never checked.'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money. She wants to write an e-mail to her mother so that her mother can send her some. She goes to an internet café and goes up to the guy at the desk. She says: 'I'm sorry, but I'm broke and I really need to contact my mother. Is there any way I could do tha…

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde and a brunette are talking about sex, and the brunette says 'once I had sex with a Brazilian man', and the blonde asks 'how many is a Brazillian?!'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 'Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?' The blonde…

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's a blonde with 3 brain cells called? Pregnant.

— Reddit, reddit.com

Two blondes are walking through the woods and come across some tracks. Blonde #1: Awww how cute, deer tracks. Blonde #2: Those are wolf tracks stupid! Blonde #1: NO, my dad taught me about this, These are deer tracks! They keep arguing and 20 minutes later they get hit by a train.

— Reddit, reddit.com

Blonde, brunette, and redhead in the gyno's office. All three are pregnant. The brunette says she's sure she's having a boy, because when she got pregnant her husband was on top. The redhead says in that case, she figures she's having a girl, because when she got pregnant she was on top. The blonde…

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island a moderate distance from shore. The brunette tries to swim back, gets tired a quarter of the way there and heads back to the island. The redhead tries to swim back, gets tired a third of the way there and also heads back. The blonde gets hal…

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's a blonde say after multiple orgasms? 'You fellows all on the same team?'

— Reddit, reddit.com

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are on an elevator when a good looking man gets on. He gets off at the next floor. Having noticed his dandruff, the redhead says to the brunette, 'He could use some head and shoulders.' Looking confused, the blonde asks, 'How do you give a guy shoulders?'

— Reddit, reddit.com

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They need a place to put their legs.

— Reddit, reddit.com

What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many went down on the Titanic.

— Reddit, reddit.com

What job did the M&M factory give to the blonde? Proofreading. Why did she get fired? Throwing out all the W's.

— Reddit, reddit.com

Two blondes are stuck in a burning apartment on the 30th floor on the balcony. They're both screaming for help one after another, to no avail... Then one of the blondes says i don't think anyone can hear us.. maybe if we scream together, we'll be louder and we'll get saved! They both start yelling,…

— Reddit, reddit.com

Blonde: 'What does IDK stand for?' Brunette: 'I don’t know.' Blonde: 'OMG, nobody does!'

— Reddit, reddit.com

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

— Reddit, reddit.com

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Clause are allegedly seen walking down the street together. They come across a 20 dollar bill on the ground. Which one picks it up? The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist.

— Reddit, reddit.com

What is the difference between a blonde and a man? A blonde has a higher sperm count.

— Reddit, reddit.com

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