“How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He could feel his presents.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Did the disappointed smoker get everything he wanted for Christmas? Clothes but no cigar.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“If you believe in the Christmas story, it’s the story of a child born into poverty. Let’s decide this year to honor Christ’s story and help make the poor less poor. Or let’s do it just because it’s right.”— Andy Richter, twitter.com
“Me: What are you doing? 7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree. Me: There aren't any presents under the tree. 7: I know. Passive aggressive level 9000.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“Me: Time to wake up. 5-year-old: Is it Christmas?! Me: No. 5: *goes back to bed*”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“7-year-old: Do you think Santa is making our presents right now? 5-year-old: Maybe not. We were pretty bad.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“7-year-old: I feel sorry for Jesus. Me: Why? 7: He was born on Christmas.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“5-year-old: Did you buy us presents for Christmas yet? Me: Is that this month? 5: *death stare cold enough to freeze fire*”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“7-year-old: Santa isn't real. Me: That's right. 7: But he can still stop here if he wants to.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“5-year-old: Did Santa come?! Me: You don't believe in Santa. 5: He doesn't know that.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“Don’t ask yourself things like “It’s almost Christmas, why am I not happy?” That can turn into a shame cycle. It’s just another day — don’t put unrealistic expectations on it, and don’t beat yourself up.”— KeSha, twitter.com
“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had—but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!”— Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, Dan O'Keeffe, Frank Costanza, Jerry Stiller, imdb.com
“Patriarchy’s days are numbered Fa la la la la, la la la la. We’re all better unencumbered. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Let’s make room for female voices Fa la la la la, la la la.”— Hyrrs, open.spotify.com
“Kick the balls of patriarchy Fa la la la, la la la la We’re all sick of this malarkey Fa la la la, la la la la.”— Hyrrs, open.spotify.com
“On the twelfth feministmas My true love gave to me Fair rights and wages Reproductive freedom No victim blaming No body shaming No bullshit diets Gender bias broken Shame free breastfeeding Equality! Proud working mums Male allies No tampon tax And a grope-free Christmas party!”— Hyrrs, open.spotify.com