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Jeff Schaffer

44 quotesFilm Director · United States Of America · Male

Jeff Schaffer is an American film and television director, writer, and producer. During his work with the Seinfeld series Schaffer created the Festivus pole. 2Early life and education Schaffer was born in Cleveland, Ohio. He and his brother Greg (also a film and TV writer and producer) were raised in the Warren–Howland, Ohio area, about 50 mi (80 km) east of Cleveland. After graduating from Western Reserve Academy in Hudson, Ohio, Schaffer attended Harvard University, where he was on the staff of the humor publication The Harvard Lampoon. 2Career 3Television After college, Schaffer and his Harvard Lampoon writing pals Alec Berg and David Mandel wrote several episodes of the sitcom Seinfeld. He also served as executive producer during its ninth season. He has also held various other positions on the show such as program consultant, supervising producer and story editor. Schaffer directed several episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and also served as executive producer for several episodes. Notably, Schaffer directed "Seinfeld", the finale episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm's seventh season, which featured a reunion of the original cast of the Seinfeld series (for which the star and creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David, was co-creator, head writer and executive producer

All Festivus (2)Sex (2)Christmas (2)Freedom (2)Threats (2)Regifting (2)Gluttony (2)Insanity (2)Wealth (2)Philanthropy (2)Honesty (1)Neon (1)Violence Against Planned Parenthood (1)Calzones (1)Raquel Welch (1)

From “The Gymnast”

You ever dream in 3-D? It’s like the bogeyman is coming RIGHT AT YOU.

3-D Dreams Bogeyman

My father used to take me to the circus. When the elephants came by, he would scream curses at them, blaming them for all the ills of society.

bizarre Circus

Well, you, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum. You are now a bum.

Homelessness Bum

A gymnast, Jerry. Think of the flexibility. Mmm, that sex'll melt your face.

Gymnasts Flexibility Sex

From “The Label Maker”

Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

Regifting Degifting super bowl Sex

I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He's a regifter!

Regifting

From “The Doodle”

You see Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.

Book Plots World Diplomacy International Intrigue

I waited all year for this. Oooh, this is fantastic. Makes your taste buds come alive. It's like having a circus in your mouth.

Peaches Mackinaw Peaches Appetite

You know, I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her naked every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.

Nude Models Jealousy Nudity

You see the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around, but they don't know they're ugly, because nobody actually tells them.

ugliness Bluntness Honesty

From “The Secret Code”

You see what's going on here? You're attracted to him because he can't remember anything about you.

Aloofness Attraction

The Rogue's Wallet. That's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding. his name was Costanza. He killed my mother.

Catalogs Murder Secrets

Mothers say things. My mother goes babbling on and on like a crazy person.

mothers Crazy People Babbling passwords Bosco

Why does everything have to be 'us'? Is there no 'me' left? Why can't there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?

Individuality Codependency Solitude selfishness Relationships

From “The Seven”

Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's got cachet up the yin-yang.

Cachet Yin-Yang

Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.

Seven 7 Beatings Stitches bullying

From “The Calzone”

So let me ask you a question about the tip jar. I had a little thing with the calzone guy this week. I go to drop a buck in the tip jar and just as I am about to drop it in he looks the other way. And then when I am leaving he gives me this look think thanks for nothing. I mean, if they don't notice…

Calzones Tipping Tip Jar

When I find something I like, I stick with it. From 1973 to 1982 I ate the exact same lunch every day: turkey chili in a bowl made out of bread. Bread bowl, George. First you eat the chili then you eat the bowl. There's nothing more satisfying than looking down after lunch and seeing nothing but a…

Bread Bowl Lunch Dietary Habits Turkey Chili

From “The Foundation”

I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, just bite into it like it's an apple.

Gluttony Freedom

Look at me! I was free and clear! I was living the dream! I was stripped to the waist, eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery!

Gluttony Freedom

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