Quote
Catalog

Gregg Kavet

39 quotesFilm Director · United States Of America · Male

Gregg Kavet is a writer and director who worked on NBC's Seinfeld for several seasons with collaborator Andy Robin. The team wrote episodes including "The Jimmy", "The Hot Tub", "The Caddy", "The Bottle Deposit", "The Fatigues", "The Comeback", "The Nap", and "The Slicer". The Fatigues won the 1997 Writers Guild of America Award for best television comedy. 2Biography Kavet and Robin wrote and directed the feature film Live Free or Die. This independent film won the Jury Prize for best narrative at the 2006 South By Southwest Film Festival and was awarded the Jury Prize in New American Cinema at the 2006 Seattle International Film Festival. They also wrote the 2005 Simon Spotlight book Saving Face, a humorous guide to awkward social situations. Kavet grew up in Wayland, Massachusetts, attending Wayland High School and Harvard University. He currently lives in Los Angeles. 2Work on Seinfeld All written in collaboration with Andy Robin, unless otherwise note

All Threats (4)Zingers (3)Bastard (3)Cooking (2)Profanity (2)Moles (2)Sick Burns (2)Psychosis (2)Comebacks (2)Son of a Bitch (2)Psychotic (2)Freckles (2)Gluttony (1)Industrialist (1)Texas Beef (1)

From “The Jimmy”

Kramer: You know you’re not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist. Jerry: I think you’re thinking of ‘You’re not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery.’ Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength.

Surgery Brushing Teeth strength

You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.

Homophobia

Well, let’s see what I have today. Darn it. It's ham and cheese again and she forgot the fancy mustard. I told her I like that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me. Oh! She made it up with a cupcake, though. Hey look at this. You know, I got…

George Steinbrenner Lunch Mustard Cupcakes

Jimmy’s gonna get you, Kramer! Hands off Jimmy! Don’t touch Jimmy! Let go of Jimmy!

Self-Referential Third Person Threats

Cold showers? They're for psychotics.

Showers Cold Showers Psychosis

From “The Hot Tub”

Oh, we all get a little cuckoo sometimes, George. I used to be like you. Rating personnel ’tll they cried, calling managers on the field during a game, threatening to move the team to New Jersey, just to upset people. Then I found a way to relax. I've got two words to say to you, George: hot tub.

Hot Tubs Jacuzzis New Jersey Threats Relaxation

You tell that son of a bitch no Yankee is ever comin' to Houston! Not as long as you bastards are running things.

Profanity Houston Houston Astros New York Yankees Son of a Bitch

Yeah! That's how they talk. You know, everyone's either a bastard or a son of a bitch. Yeah, it's like, uh, ‘Boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!’

Son of a Bitch Bastard Wade Boggs Profanity Obscenity

Ohhh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a thousand times! It's never looked so strange! The faces...so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless...a bastard child, perhaps. My back aches...my heart aches...but my feet...my feet are resilient! (Thank God I took off my heels, and put…

Advertising Catalogs Walking Shoes Bastard Exhaustion

I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you're busy.

annoyed Looking Busy

From “The Caddy”

That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous.

Legalese Inappropriate Lascivious Salacious Outrageous

That's the bra I gave her, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society.

Bras Menace to Society

From “The Bottle Deposit”

Here's what I wanna do. I wanna overhaul the entire engine. But it's gonna take a major commitment from you. You're gonna have to keep it under sixty miles an hour for a while. You gotta come in, and you gotta get the oil changed every thousand miles.

Automotive Car Automotive Maintenance Oil Changes

I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail-hating survivalists.

Survivalists Mailmen US Postal Workers Backwoods

Yeah, don't worry, Jerry. We're right on this guy like stink on a monkey.

Chases stink Monkey

What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? You on the pipe?

Crack Drugs Crack Pipe

It seems that a psychotic mechanic has absconded with my friend's car.

Psychotic Mechanic Grand Theft Auto

Listen, that registration may have your name on it, Jerry. But this engine's running on my sweat and my blood.

Psychotic Sweat and Blood

From “The Fatigues”

It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray nightshirts.

Psychosis Horror Knives Betrayal

Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily, and your eggplant parmesan is a disgrace to this house!

Meatloaf Salmon Croquettes Eggplant Parmesan Cooking

WM W KM W KK M M W W W W &WW WWW& WWW W MM WM W WWW K M WMW WWM WWW WWWW WWM WWW WWW WW WWWW &W& WWW W W W WWW KWWW W W W W &W W W W W WWK WW K&W MW W W& WW W KW WK W W WWKWW K&W W W WM W KMW WWW W MW W W W& W W W WW W& W W W MW W W W W W WW W WW M W W WW WW W W WM W W WK W WW W W W W W& W MW W W W& W WW W & K M &WK K M WMK MW& WW MW WM & KWM KW & W W KW K K & K W& K W& WWK W& K & W & & M W&M& &M KM K & WW K KW& & KW KM WM&& && W KM && WK K M KWW W M K K& && K& M M& WW &W W W WW WW KW W W K WM W W W& W W W W W WW & WW WW W W W WK WW W W W&WK MW K W W& W K K W& MW W W MW &W W W WW M W W WK W&&W W WW W W W M WW WW W W W& W W W W W &W WK W W M W W W W W WWW KW WWWWW W W W W & MM W W & WM WK W W WKKM WW W WWWW KWWW WWWK WWWW W W W KWWW M WWW & W &WWW W WWW WWWW & W WWW W K& W MWKW WWW KK W WWW &K WWWW W WWW WWWW WW WMW WW & W WW W MWWM W W WW WMWWW WM &W W WK W&WW MW&WW WWMW WK W& W WMWW WW&W WW&W& KWKW W&WW WMWWWWW WWKW WMWW WW&W W&MW WMMW WKWW MW W & W KW W W W& KW WWK &WK&W MM W W &W WW WM& WM W&KW W W WMW W W W W W WKKMKW& W W MMKWK&W W MMWW&&W WW W W WWWW W WWWW &W W WW WMWW K WW W WWWW WW WW WWWW W&MW WK KW KW&W WMWM W W W MW&W WWWW W WW WMWW WWWW WMWM WW W W WW W W W W W KM W W WWW W WWWW MWWW WW WWWW WWW& WWW W W KWWW WWW WWWW WWWW WWW& WWW WW KM W WWWW W &W W W WWWW WWW &WW WWWW KWWW W WW W W W W WW W W W &W&&W W W W W WW& K&WW W W W W &&W W W &W W &KW W &W W WM W W WW&WW WW W&&W M&W W WK W WWKWW W W W W&KW W M W W& W W W W MW &W W W &W W W W W W W W MW W W W MW WW W W WW WW W W W W W W M K &W KM & W && & & K& & & & & K & & W & MK K& &K M M &WK MM W K KKK &KK&K KK &&MMMM&&&&&&&MMMMMMMM&&&&M&&&&K&&M WWWWWWW &KW K W K KKKKKK&&K K K KMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWK WWWWK MWW &M&&KMMM&KKKKKKK KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KWK KW WWWWW MWM&W

* * } } } } * } * } } } } } } } } * } } } } * } * } } } * }} } * } }} } * * } } * } } } } } * } } }} } } } } } } } } } }} } } } } } } } } * } } } } } } } } * } * } * * } * * } } } } * } * * * } } } * } } } } } } * } } * } } } } } } } } } } } } } } } * * } } } * }} } } * } **}}} }***}}}}}*}*}*}}}}}}}*}}}}}} }} } }}}}}}}*}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}} } }} } }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} } }}}

o V j o U j j j j o U U o j U o o U V o U o U o o j o o Uj U Uo U V o U j Uo UU j U o U j UjU o o o oUo j j U o j UV jU o oV Uj o o U UV U oU oo U V U oo UVj o j o U j jV Vj Vj j jU UU j U j j U V U j U U U U o j oV j oV j j V V U Vj oj U VU oj j V U V V Vj V jV U j V U UU j V U VU V j U j UU j j o V U V V V VVV o V VU j j VU j o U V VV V U V V V oV U U V o V UV o V j U U VV j U V jo j j j j ojjjo U j U UV o j o U V V o o U U j j o U V o jVj U U V j j jV j o o V j jU o o U V V V j U U U U V o V V o U j o U j U U o o U U U V o o V V oj VU Vj VU Uo j U V jj o U V V U jU U o o V oj UU j V UU V o j o o V U j j oU U jV U o o jU o jV U o U V jV j oU o jo oU o jj j o V j o o oU UU UVVUUUUVoU U VVUVUUVVUVUVVjj Uj U j jj jjjjj j jU UUVUU VVU UU VoV jjjV j j jjooojjj jjjjj jUjjj VjjjjoV jj jj jjjjjjjj jjjjjjjj jjjjj

W & M M M & M M & & K M & K & M K K K &M M M K &K & KW K & W & M & K K W W W M W & K K K K K M K M & K K K KM& M M W K WM &&& &WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM K WW W WWWMWWWWWWWWWW&WWWWW&WWWWWWWWWK WWW WK K M&W&WWMWWW WW& KWWWW MWWWW WWMM MM&MWWWW KK & WWWW MWWW MMK&K & WWW& &WWWWW WWWM M KM K K& KM& KMWWW WWWWWWWK K WWWWWMW & &WW& KMMM& K&K&MK WWWWWWWW WWWWWWWW&W KKM WKMKMM&&WMK&M&WWWM & WWWWWWWW& WWWWWWWWM MWKK K K &WWM M MM&KKW& &WWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWMKW W MWMKKK W WW WWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW && &W WWW &MMWWWWWW MWWWWWWWWWM KWMWM M W KWWWWM WWWWWWW K&WWWK K KWW MK WWWWWM WWW W W WWW WWWW &WM MWW WWK & WWW WWWK WM

, , , : . . , : , ., . : :: ,, : : , , : . , : , : ,,...,,,,,,,,,::, , .,,,,,:,::::::,.,, , . , ,,,,,,.,,,,.,,. . : ., . ........,... :: : ,,.,,. . ....... , : . .,,,,,:. ....... : ,::: ,, ...... : :: ,,:,:, , .... . ,:,,, :, .:.. .. ,::. : : : .:. ., : . : :, ..,,:..,: :. ,. :.. , ,:::, ,,, : . . :.,,: . ,,,. , ,,.. ., , . , :,:,,. ,: . . . ,, :::::.,.. , : .. . ,. .

}<} * < *~ } }< **<*~*~ * *< }~}} <* } < * < < ~ * *}*** ~* }} * *} ~ < } < < ~ * } < * } } } } } }~ ~ < * } } } ~ ~ } <~ } * }}}} } } ~} } } }*} } * }* < }<< }} * * ** } < * < *~}*} } < * * } * * } <*~~ <*}<*<<<<~< }}}< }} ~~ } ~ * < } } ~ <} ** <~ ~ < ~ < ~~ <} * < } ~ <~~ < ~~ ~ <* } * <<~ < ~ * < < } ~ < ~ <~ } ~ * < } ~* < ~~ ~~~ } < ~ * ~ * <<<<~ ~ * ~ } ~ <*~<~~ }* * } ~<<~~~ < ~ } * < ~ <<<< ~* ~* * <

o o Vj o o j VV V o o j UjUoVVUUU U VV V VVV Uo j UUjooj U oU jVV j o V j U V o j oo V oU jo j j j U o j o UjU j UUUoVo UVo jjo ooVojVU VUo o V U oV jo oUUj V o U oj Uj o jo U j UVojU jjj Vj o U Vo UU V ooooUj jVjooj o o j oj VV jV V UVo V o VV jjVo Ujo Ujj o Ujo Vjo V Uoj U o V V Vj o j j jo V oV V o j ojojj j V j o Vo j VUVVVUUUUUUU V V o VVV o U j V V V oV U o j j o UU UU V j V o o U VU V j o UU V j VU V j UU Vo V o V j j U U U U U o VjU U U j Uj VU jU o jUUo j U V UU U U U Voj j o UUV U U U V UU j o V

Related People