“AAAAAAAH! MY DAD'S BEEN DECAFFEINATED!”— David Benavente, Michael J. Benavente, Chuckie Finster (voice), Nancy Cartwright, imdb.com
“There is a part of me that has always believed he is invincible, tethered to life by his own vibrancy and the eternal youth that feels locked in place by the strength of our family structure.”— Kelle Hampton, kellehampton.com
“The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."”— ck_9900, reddit.com
“I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“I want his three children to know: wasn't anything strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with.”— Al Sharpton, amazon.com
“I'm a lousy piece of ass, and I should know every man I have been with has told me so, I've been there almost every time. I mean, the closest thing I got to a birds and bees talk was with my dad. He was like, "Son, sex is a lot like this egg." "Dad, I think those are drugs." "Whatever, queer." "Why…”— Daniel Tosh, amazon.com
“I was visiting my daughter last night when i asked if i could borrow a newspaper. "Its the 21st century" she said, "We dont waste money on newspapers anymore. Here, use my IPad." I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him.”— WontJudgeYou, reddit.com
“My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.”— SidMajoo, reddit.com
“My girlfriend's dad is so religious, he won't let us sleep together... Which is a shame, because he's a really attractive man.”— madazzahatter, reddit.com
“Son, marry a girl with the same belief as the family. Dad, why should I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?”— topoftheworldIAM, reddit.com
“I told my dad me and my friend went to the store. He said, "my friend and I went to the store" Poor guy is losing it, he definitely wasn't there.”— jaybfresh, reddit.com
“My dad keeps making jokes about eyes They get cornea and cornea every time.”— parth11235, reddit.com
“Son: Dad, a guy called me gay at the school today. Dad: Punch him in the face. Son: But he is so cute.”— The-PC-guy, reddit.com
“There was one special person I was determined to prove myself to. And that was my dad. My dad was tough on my brothers, but tougher on me because I was the baby of the family. Yes, I was a crybaby. My dad didn’t like the way my mother coddled me.”— Terrell Davis, usatoday.com
“Dad I hope you're looking down, smiling, and uttering the words, son, I’m proud of you.”— Terrell Davis, usatoday.com
“Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god......so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.”— patchy72, reddit.com
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”— Mark Twain, ibtimes.co.uk