Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Funny Jokes’

(32 total)

I tell ya' this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

— Harold Ramis, Brian Doyle-Murray, Douglas Kenney, Al Czervik, Rodney Dangerfield, amazon.com

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

— I_yike_nat, reddit.com

Want to hear a construction joke? I'm working on it.

— Bad Joke Cat, twitter.com

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

— Unknown, reddit.com

The key to success in life is to work hard, set goals, and have access to a powerful magic spellbook.

— wolf pup, twitter.com

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

— Joseph Nuttin, amazon.com

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

— Droidgee, imgur.com

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

— Unknown, reddit.com

Why do people say no offense right before they’re about to offend you?

— Anonymous, quora.com

People say go big or go home, as if going home is a bad thing? Like hell yeah I wanna go home, and I’m gonna take a nap when I get there.

— Josh Ostrovsky, instagram.com

Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the 'pull out' method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.

— Brandon Gutermut, twitter.com

Roes are red. Violets are blue. Vodka costs less than dinner for two.

— Anonymous, i.imgur.com

WKM &WK W W M W WWW WKW W W W W W K&W WM &WK W W&W W WKW W WKW W W WKW WMW W W WWW W W WW WWW WW& MW &W W W W &W WW W W W W W W W WW W W W M W&MWMWKW W W W WK W W WKW W W W W WW &K WKW W W WKW W W WW MW MMW MWW W W W W W MW WW W W W W W W W WWW& W W W WK&&W WMW W W W WK WK WWM W W W K KWW KW W&& W & K W W W W WW W&W W W&W WM W&KMW MWW W&W WMKW&W WM W&W W W W WKW W&W WW W WKM WMW&W W WW W&W WKW W W WW&WW W& W W&W W&W KW W&W WMW W W W WWKW&W W WKW WWK W WWWKW W W W W W WW W&W W W W W W W W &WWW W M W W W W KW WW W W W W WW WWM&W WWWW W W W W W W W W&W K& KK K K K K KK & K K WWW W & & K K & W K M MWW MM K W W WM& WW WW WM MW W W W W WM WW &MW M W WW W W W WMM W&W KW WM WW &WWMW MWW W&W W W&W W WW WWW MMW W W W W&W W W WWW WMM WMWW W W W WW&W W W & WKWK& W & W&W MW WMW W W W MKW& W W WWKW WW WMWKW WWK W W W W WW &K W W W W W W W WW WW W K&W W W W W W W W W WM W W WW WKWWWW W&W WW W W&M M W W&K MM W W&M M MM MW W WW W MM WMM M M WW WW W&W W W&M WW WWW MM W KMW M M W M WW W WWKK & W W WMW WK K K K WW W& WW M W M WW M M& & K MM W WKWW WW W W W W W W WWW WW WW WW M W MMW KWM WMW WKW M M W& MM W WW WW WW WW MW W W W WWWWWWKM W W W W WWWW W W W W W WW W W MK MW W MW W WWKWKK W WKM W WK W W W W WW& W W WW W W WWWKWW WW WW&MWW WWW W &WW W W W W W&W && W &MW W W & KW WW WWW WWW WWW KWW W WWK W WMW W & WMW W W W M W WM MMW WWK WMK& WM W WW W W M & MW& KK W&WW K K W KW WK & WW & M & &WM K & W W & & WWW WMM WWW K K WW W W &K & W & M K& WWM WW WWM&W W WW&W M WWMWWK WKW W W W W W W&W W &W W&W W K W W W W W& WKW WW W W WM W&W KWW MKW W W W W W WM W WW WW MW W W&W W KWK WWW W WW WMW&& WWWWMWW W WM W W&M W&W W W W W&W W && W&W WMW WMW W WMW& W W W WKW KW WKW WWW WMW WWW W W W WM W WMWWKW W WWW W&W WWW WWWWWWW WWWW &WWW M M W W W W &WW WWW WWW W WWW&WWWWW WWMW W W W W &WK WKW W&W W WWM&WW W &KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KK&&MM&M&KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK&&&&&&&&&K

} } } } * * * * * * * * * * * * } * * * * } } } * } } * * } } * * } * * } } * * } } } } } } } * * * ** }} * * } * } } * * * * * } * * * * * * * * * } ** } } } * } } } * * * } } * * * * * } * * * } } } } * } * * } } } * * } * *} * * } * ** } } } * * } * * } * } * } * * } } } } } } } } } } } } } }} } } } * } } } } } } } } } } } * } * } } } } }* } } } } } } * } } } } * } } } *} } } } } } } } * } * *} *** }} }}}}}}}}}}

V U j jo o U j o VV o U U j U V j o j U V V o V j V o Uj V V V U j U o j o V VU V V j V o V o o o UV U U o oU U U oo U U j VU U ojo o j U j o j VV j V j o Vo j U j o U U Uo U j j U o j j j o j j U U V o U V U V V UVV U U jV Uj V V j V V o j o V V V oj o V o U U o V o o U V jU U o o j V V o j V j o o j V U Uo U o j j j V V V V o o j o oV j j j j oj V U U j U o j U j V j V U j U U U oo jV o oV j j j V o V Uj U U VooU V j U V U o V VU j jj jj U U o o j V V Vj oo o j jV o U j j o V jVj o j j j j o j V j oU o V j V oU jU V o j V j V j U V U U U o V o oo Uj Vo j UU j V U j j j j o VU V U V jj V o V U o j U jUjj VU j j V jUV o o o V UV V U U V U j o o V o V U j VU V j V j o o o U j U j V V U V V V o U V o V j V V U U V V j j j j V U U j j j V j U U j j j o U V U j V U V U j jj UV j j j jjjjjjjj jjjjjooooojjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjooooooooojooooooojojo UUUUUUUUUUU U

K M K & K M K & M & K & K K K K K K K K K M & K K WW &W K & M KKMW& K&MMWWK W MWWW W KMKWM K WWWWWK WWW & & KK& W WWWWWWWW& & WWWW K & WWWWWWWWWWW K WWWW &&&& & WWW W WWWWWWWWWWW KMWKWWWWWWKWM K K &M&&K&&K WWWW WWWWWWMMWWW WWMWWWWWWW W K K WWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWW WMWWWWWWWW&M &WK K K& KMWWWW W &WWWWWWWWWWWW &WWWW K WWWMK WWWWW WW WWWWWWWWWWWWWW WW WWWM &WW&KMW WWWWW MW WWWWWWWWWWWWWW MWWM&K K KM KWWW WWWWWWWMWWWWWW KMWWWWWK &MWKK W M WM &W&WWMWWWWWWWWWWWMW KWWWWWWWM &KK K K &MM MWMWKKKK&WWW&&KK&&MW KWWWWWWWW MM K

. : , . : .: ,.: , ,.,. :. : , : .: . : : , , , : . ,: ,, : :,, . . ,:... . ., , :.: , , : : , : : , : : : , : , : , . : : , : , , , .: , : ,: :: :. .: .: :, : ,, , . , : . ,: : ., .,, . :,, , . .,::,,,,,,: ::,,.. .. ... : ::::::: :,:,. ::,:,,,,,,: ::,,,., : ::::::, .:,,,,,.. , . , :: ,.,,,,.. : , , .. :.,,,...,, : . , : :,. , .. :,,, . , :,: , : , :,. : . : . . . . . ::,, . :: ,. . ::,:: , . ::: , . : , , , .

} * * < } * * * } } < < * } < } ~ ~ ~ ~ < ~ }} }* *~}}* }} **< }}~ * } *}<<< ** } < * <~ ~ < ~ * < ~ < } } ~ ~~ < <~ * ~ <* * *<} <<< ~ } * } < * <** * < ~~} * * } <~<}~} < *} < < * < }* ~*}< <<~ ~ * < << ~} ~~ ~ }*} * ~<~~~}~< } < <~**~~*< }~~* } < *** *< ~ *} ~} * <* <*<}~<* }~* } *~ }} ~ * << < < }*}<<<<<<~<< ~* } < < ~ <} ~ * * ~ ~~ * ~}} ~ ***< < << ~ <~ <}< } } < }} }** * **~ } }*<*< } }**~} ~ } <* < } < } ~ << < }}}}* ~ ~< *~ * < ~ } < * < ** ~ < ~} ~ } }* ~~ ~* ~ } } < *}~ < } * } ~*}} *< * *< < <~ ~ }~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~< *~< } } < << * * < ~ }< } ~ ~~ } }< *< < ~ } } * }~*} }* < < ~ ~ ~} } * ~ }~ *}~* * ~~~ } * }} * } * }

Vjoj U o V oj j V V j jV Vo U j UUU jj j oUjV Uo jV V oojU o j V Vj U j VUo j U o j o o o V o j o j oj V j o j jj U V o V o j o j V UV U o oU j j j o j o jjj o j V o j U V oo o jj j o j o V ooVVo VoV VV Vjjo jj Uoj j U V o o o o oo j j VUo o o jU ojjjjjjj oU ojjoooooooVVVj j U j UUUUUVVVoo U VUUUUU V V UVVVVVVooo jUU UUUUUVojoj j VVVVVojojo jj Uo oV j jU U UUVV j Voo VV V o V V U VVVV U jjU oU joV o U oU V U oo j oo o o U UUoUVUVUU UVV jjoj o j j V jjo oUVoU o j j V o o U j j ooV U oVo o U o UUo UV o o UoUV V V j VV V UVUj oV U V j o V o VU U oUU o o U o o V UVV oV V U o j j j oVVUojj j