Quotes tagged ‘Funny Jokes’

(32 total)

“What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my pop corn?”

“What did the pickle say to his fans? I’m kind of a big dill!”

“What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.”

“My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.”

“What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyonce.”

“What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.”

“Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV? Too much sax and violins.”

“What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!”

“I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.”

“As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field... But hay, it’s in my jeans.”

“How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.”

“How does NASA organize a party? They planet.”

“Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, 'you know how to drive this thing?!'”

“How do you befriend a squirrel? Just act like a nut.”

“Why do chicken coups always have two doors? With four, they’d be chicken sedans.”

“What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look I'm about to change.”

“I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts bragging in an open foyer.”

“People say smoking will give you diseases but how can they say that when it cures salmon.”

“With the market these days if you own anything but land you own a popcorn farm.”

“Quitting smoking, now that's a tough one. My wife and I made a deal, we'll only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack now since 1975.”