“Chandler: ‘I got her machine.’ Joey: ‘Her answering machine?’ Chandler: ‘No, interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Couldn’t we just lose our virginities again? Because I think, actually, mine is growing back.”— Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“Joey: ‘It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.’ Chandler: ‘Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Suppose we’re a divorced couple.' Chandler: 'Okay.' Joey: 'And I got custody of the kid, right? Now, suppose the kid dies and I gotta buy a new kid.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!' Chandler: 'Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Phoebe: 'Hey, you know what I just realized? ‘Joker’ is ‘poker’ with a ‘J’. Coincidence?' Chandler: 'Hey, that’s ‘joincidence’ with a ‘C’.'”— Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”— Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“Rachel: 'Hey, Mon, look, I’m melting butter.' Monica: 'That’s great, Rach. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day.'”— Rachel Green, Monica Geller, amazon.com
“Monica: 'My motto is get out before they go down.' Joey: 'That is so not my motto.'”— Joey Tribbiani, Monica Geller, amazon.com
“Chandler: 'Condoms?' Joey: 'We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.' Chandler: 'And condoms are the way to do that?'”— Joey Tribbiani, Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“Ross: 'Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and WON!' Chandler: 'Ross came fourth and CRIED!'”— Ross Geller, Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“You could not be any more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.”— Ross Geller, amazon.com
“It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo.”— Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Well, I’m sorry if I’m not a middle-aged black woman. And I’m also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.”— Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Ross: 'Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.' Susan: 'Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don’t let you do it.'”— Ross Geller, Susan Bunch, amazon.com
“How long do cats live? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something?”— Rachel Green, amazon.com
“I hate it when I get a song stuck in my head -- but it's better than getting it stuck in my liver.”— Stephen Colbert, twitter.com