“It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.”— Dane Cook, youtube.com
“It’ll be very subtle. It'll almost be a whisper... And why is that? To make you listen.”— Dane Cook, youtube.com
“When you’re in a relationship, when you’re with somebody awful, I call that a relation-shit.”— Dane Cook, youtube.com
“Who doesn't like movies? Who has ever said, "Hey, you wanna go see a movie?" "Fuck that and fuck your movies! It’s ridiculous, the whole idea of it! It’s just wrong and fake and NO!"”— Dane Cook, en.wikiquote.org
“We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.”— Dane Cook, en.wikiquote.org
“I hope when he dies he does become a tree. I hope he's in the middle of the wilderness and he's doing his tree thing. Whatever it is trees do. I know they do alot of work with breezes. And wouldn't it be fantastic if while he was out there just enjoying his treeness. Through the woods a huge, sweaty…”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“"Let me ask you this. What do you believe happens to you after um, after you die? And I said uhh... okay. well, hopefully I live a good life and my soul goes to heaven and when I get there all my ancestors will be waiting for me like it's an airport HEYYY! Whatsupp? Guess who's dead sucker. Hahahaaa…”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“"I gotta have a swamp too. Gotta have a swamp. Either a Swamp, our a marsh full of marshmallows. MARSHmallows"”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“"Here's a fun one right Guys, next time you at a bar, whatever, and you see a girl at the bar Just walk up to her and go like this... ""Hey, are you gonna walk to your car by yourself later? I'll be over here watching you all night"”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“"How bout this one right. All you need for this is a pair of gloves Just take your gloves, right And go down to the bank. Get behind all the people in the bank Give the person in front of you a little nudge, just a little nudge Wait till they turn around, and when they turn around Start putting on t…”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“"They're like. Alright, why did you stop at a red light And let me hit you doing 80?! WHY DID YOU STOP AT A RED LIGHT?"”— Dane Cook, genius.com
“A lot of aspiring writers ask me about how much they should be writing per day. The answer, of course, is about half as much as you spend rolling on the floor and sobbing.”— Sam Sykes, twitter.com
“It's true you can't teach humor. But it's pretty easy to set up a joke the same way you set up a conflict: put a character in a situation they're not equipped to handle.”— Sam Sykes, twitter.com
“Writing a plot is super easy. First, think of a character. Then, think of what they want. Then, spend 600-odd pages keeping them from getting it.”— Sam Sykes, twitter.com
“Tools for Writing: 1. Computer 2. Thesaurus 3. Shovel 3a. Hole you dig in your yard to escape the terror that your writing might simply be screaming into a void from which no sound, nor dream escapes 3b. None at all 4. Coffee or tea (gotta have that caffeine!)”— Sam Sykes, twitter.com
“I will be home in another ten days and will reveal many things that will make your hair stand on end—assuming that you still have any.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“Despite the fact that I regard myself as an extremely glamorous figure, I rarely receive any mail that would indicate that the fair sex, as a sex, has any interest in me.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com
“Here is the autograph. I would send you a lock of my hair, but it’s at the barbershop getting washed.”— Groucho Marx, amazon.com