Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

I wish seeing you naked was as good as wishing I could see you naked.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Sexually transmitted infections are like hangovers. They're not great, but neither is moderation.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

You're a good person and I love you. This just isn't the life I hoped I'd have.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

It would be easier to deal with falling out of love if it hadn't somehow made the sex exciting again.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

They should have included a picture of your smile in the space probe as a warning.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Unrequited love is a waste of time. Just walk it off. There. I said it.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

What would I do without you? Him, probably.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I wonder if the ugly duckling felt stupid when he realized being pretty didn't magically solve all his problems.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Moderation is like a foreign language. You have to learn that shit when you're young.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

They say when you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. They underestimate me.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Look. I'm just being honest. That excuses me from empathy or tact right?

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I don't understand your complaint. There totally is a straight pride march. That same day, too. On all the other streets.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I'm sorry about those late night emails. I only said those things because I was too drunk to be afraid.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I disagree with your opinion but I will defend to the death your right to go fuck yourself.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I will always love you. Or anyway, I will always have loved you now.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

The best revenge is living well. The second best revenge is fire ants.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

I wonder how many hauntings go unreported because wailing and the clank of chains are still better than an empty house.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

You are the love of my life so far.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

You make me want to pretend to be a better man.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Good decisions are just bad decisions you didn't get to make.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

& W WM W W & WMWW W& WWW& WWWW WWM WWW W KWW& W K WMW WW MWW MMW WW WW WMW WW& KWM& W K WMW WMWW W MWW W W & WWW WWW& W W WWW KWWW W W WWW W& W W W W W WK W &W W W &W W W W W KW W W W WK WW WW W &W W W W W W KW WK W W W W W &W WWWW W W W WK W W WM&WW W& W W WK &W W K W WW W W WW W W W W W & W W W & W W W WW W W WW W W W WW W W W WK WW W W W& W W WK W W W K K & &W MW WKK K WM WW W W &W WM W KW MW W W W K WW K WW KW& WK W & MW& KM W M& WW& WWK M & K & & & && MW W & & & && K K K W W WW WW & K& K &K && & && &K K && KM W M MK KKK W &W KW W W W WK WW WW WM W W W WW WM WW WW WWK W W W WK W W W KW MW W W W& W W W W W W W W W W W WW & W W WW MW W W &W W W W W W W W W & WW WW W WW W W&W W W K W W W W W W WK W W W W & W W W WW W & &W W W WW KK W W & W WW W W WMW M K &WWW W W W &K W W W WMW K W W W W KWWW W K &WWW W&W M W& KWWW WWW W W WWW W WWMW W W K W M W KW W &WKWW W MW W WK W&MW W W W W W WW KW WKWW W &W W &W WW WW W WKKW WMKW &W W WKWW&WW M& W KM W MW W WW W W W &KW WW W W W W W W W W M W W W W W W W W W W W WM&W &W W WKMW W &W WMWW WWKW W W W M& W W&WW W W W W W W W W&&W WW&W W W W W W WK W MW &MMMMMMMMW&MMWWM&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWW&&&&MWMMMMMWWM&&&MMMW&& M&KKKK&KKKKKKKKK K&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&K &&&&&&&&&&K MWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW W&&&MMMMMMMMMMK &MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM&&K KMMMMMMMWMWWWW& WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW WMMMMMMMMM&&K KWWWWWWMMMWWWM&K K&MMMMMMMMMMMMWM WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW MMMMMMMMMM&K KWWMM& WWWWWWWMKKKKK&K &MMMMMMMMMMMMMW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW &&MMMMMM&&&K &M&KK &MMMMMMMMMMMMMW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW M&MMMM& &&&&K MWWM &MMMMMMMMMMMMMW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWW K& WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW &&MM& MWM&K K K&K KMMMMMMMMMMMMMW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW K &WMK WWMMK K&MMM&MMMMMM&&W WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&MWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWW MWWWWWWM &WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW &M&K &WWWWWW &&&&&&&MMM&&&M WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW&MMWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWW MW W KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMW M& WWWWWWWM K&&&&&&&&&&&&M

: : :

} < * } } *} * * < } * } * } } < * * * * * } } } * * * * < < } * }* } } } }* < < }} * * * } } * * * < < < * } } < < < } } } * * } *} } * * <} * < } * < * } *< } < } * } ** }* } } * < * < < < } * < ** ** } * * } } < * * < * < < *< ~ * < < < ~~ < ~ < < } < < < } ~ ~ ~~ ~ < * < < < * ~ } <* * ~ < < } < ~ < ~ ~ * * ~ ~ * < < } < ~ < < ~ } < < * ~ ** << ~< * }***<<<<<<} } }}***} }********<<} }* } }*<*<*<<<*}} * }} *<<<<<* *< * <<<<<<< }} **<} } } *<<<* }}*****<* } **<*} } ~ } } }**}} }*<*} ******}***<*} **} *<<<<<< *~ <}} }}*}**********<<******}**<<<<<<<} < }**}}*<~~<*}} }******<***<}}<<******<<<<<<<< } } *~ ~<<<<<*} }< ******<<***< ****<*}*<<<<<<<< } }

V o o o j o j Uj j j o V V U U j jj V o U U Vo j j UU oUU UU Vo V UU j U V oVU V Uo V VU VV U j V U V V Vo V V o V j U o oj V o VV o U o U UV j o V o Vj oU U U oV o V V V j j U j j o UU V j U V V V V V oVj jV Vo UVj U V j V o U Uj oV VU V V jV U U U o Vo U jU U o o VU V V V Ujo o V o V o j U o j V V V j U j oV j oj j j o UVUo o V j oo o U VV jV j o U U j VV j oV U VV V U jU j o o U V j j o j j o o o oo U U j U o U U o o o V j U j j U V V o U UU V o VV o j V j o j UU j o j o V o U V o V U V U o U o U V UVooVU Uj oVVoVU V o V UVj jooV UooVUUVo j Uoj jooo jV j VV UVj U Uoj oUUVj joojoU j o jjV VU UVoj jVVj jUUUo oVUUVoj oVUooU j o j UVVVVoV UUVo j jo oUVoj jV V j oU j j oo U Uo jU UUUo U j jj V o jV j j j o VU UVj V UVVVjU o j j jU jV UVj Uoj jU j j jV j U V U j jU Uooj Uj j o

M & K W MK && W & M & W & W &M K &K &W M & W W & K KM K K & M M & W W K W & && & &M WWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWW WWWWK WWWWWW KWMMWW MMMMMW&WMWWWWW WWWWW&WMWWMWW WMK MK & &&&&M MMMMMM&MM&WWWW WW WMWW&WMWWMWW MK KK &&&&& MMMMMM&&M&WWWW KMKKWMWM&WMWWMWW & WWWK KKKK& MMMMMM&KM&&WWW& MKWWWWMMWMWWMWW W&WWW&W K MW&MMMM M&KMWWW WW&WWMMWMWWMWW WWWWWWM KKKKK &W&MMMM &&KMW& MWWMMMW&&MMWWMWW WWWKMW KK &W&MMMM &&KMWKWWWWWWW&&MMMWMWWW KWW& K KW&MMWW &MK& WMKMKWMMWMWWW MW& K&& K KWMMWWW &M&MM KK&WMWWWWWW KWWKK K KKK KWMMWWW &MK&W W W&MWWMWWW MWWWK KK & KK KWMMMWWK&MK&W WWMKMMWWMWWW WWWWK KM &WMMWWW&&MKM &WWMMMMWWWWWW WWWWWW KMW &WMMMWW&MW& MW WWWMMWWWWWW WWWWWW& K K KMWK &W&M&WWM&M& WMMWWWWWW MKWWWK KMM &WMM&MWWWW WMWWWWWW WWW &W MWWWWWWK WWWWWWWW WWM MKK & MWWWWWWW & WWM

: : : : . , , : :: , , : : , . : : : : : , , : , : .: : : : . , . . . . : ,: :: . . ... ,::. . . : . ,,,..,. . . , : .,..,.. : . . ..., : . .. : :. ,,,. . : ,. : : : : . .: . . : , . . , : . . . : ..... .,,, . . : ,:. . .. . , :. :, :,. :. : ,, , : . : , , . : ,,:: . . . : , : : :

< * << ~~~~~~*~<<~ * <~ ~} ~ <~~ *}~} <*< } *}* ~ * } * * } ~ * * } *} ~ *}~ < * } < < *** } } ~} * } * } * <}< } } }< * < *} } < ~< } ~ * ~ << } <*~ < }< < ** } ~ < < ***< <<* } ~ }}}<< ****<*<}}} }**} }}}<*~*<*}<*} *<<<*< **<<****}~ ~~***}*~ }} }< *** ~* }* ~ < ~} <* } } } < ~ ~~ } ~ ~ } ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ * < } ~ ~<*~~ ~ * <<~} <~<}} * } * ~ <*< } ~~< }~ * } <~~ ~ ~ }<<< } }~ < ~ }*< ~< }~~~< }< } * ~ ~ < * * ~* * ~~~~

U j V o VV j o j j U j UV jU V V U o o Vooo V o o Vj oVoooVU VVU V o V UjV o j oo jj o j V jj j o j oUj j V U o U oo j V j j jo o U oVoj U U U V oV U j V j j j V V o jj jVV o o U o j oj ooo o j jV o j j o VV U j U j Vj o j o V U o U jo j V j U j V U j Uj UUUU o U jV o U V j V U UUj V j o U o UUUj U o j U V UUUo U j U UU U UUUUo U o U j VUUV UU o UUo j VUVVUUo V VUVUo o o V UVoUUU VoUUUo U o V o Uo VV U UUUo U o j Voo V o o V j V o Uo o V o UU U Vo VUU V UUUUU U o j VVVjV o V j Vjo