Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

“I figured out how to be happy. But I can't tell you. You not knowing is a big part of it.”

“I love the way your face lights up when someone says 'It might be dangerous.'”

“There should be a word for the things we do not because we want to but because we want to be the kind of person who wants to.”

“Sex doesn't ruin friendships. People ruin friendships.”

“I'm worried that if they ever make a movie of my life, the tagline will be 'Get him.'”

“Before we met I was so scared of dying. But if the end comes today, this will have been enough.”

“This town isn't big enough for the both of us. Let's run away together!”

“I am a pacifist and I will be a pacifist until I die or someone threatens my mother.”

“I want people to tell their children terrifying stories about the things we did for love.”

“I get a crazy impulse when you smile at me. Like I want to step in front of buses in a good way.”

“It turns out I don't really want to have sex. I guess I just got confused because you're so great!”

“If you died, I would go through hell to bring you back. That would be easy. I'm not sure how to deal with us just drifting apart.”

“It turns out that sometimes the future actually belongs to someone else.”

“Imagine I am falling in love with you. Can you picture it? Now picture that backwards.”

“This is how breakups work. I will give you back your movies when you give me back my twenties.”

“Don't think of it as us breaking up. Think of it as me being happy again.”

“It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw!”

“Life is never so bleak that you can't turn things around with a crime spree.”

“I sold my soul to the devil but didn't get paid or anything. He said it'd be a good experience.”

“I joined Plenty Of Fish to find out who stole my bike. A fun first date would be going to your house to see if you have my bike.”