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Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I would like to be president some day, so, no, I have not smoked marijuana.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

One person’s ‘annoying’ is another person’s ‘inspiring and heroic’.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

Math is worthless in real life.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white male US senator.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

You know what? America is awesome. It's so full of hope. And small towns and big cities. And real people and delicious beverages and hot guys.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three course meal where each course is made of dessert.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

Winning is every girl's dream.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

There’s nothing we can’t do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk all other responsibilities in our lives.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

You're in trouble because of your own stupidity.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I believe that assault should be legal if the person is a jerk.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I'm cried out but I want to cry more so I'm rehydrating.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

He told me he liked me and I'm gonna go make out with him right now. On his face.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

The thing about youth culture is I don't understand it.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I took your idea and I made it better.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

I'm going to be direct and honest with you. I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

Men's rights is nothing.

— Leslie Knope, amazon.com

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