“The best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won't get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of bus…”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.'”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab th…”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called 'The Road Less Traveled', describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if…”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, 'Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed,' but most of us would say something more along the lines of, 'A…”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny.”— Maya Rudolph, brainyquote.com
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”— Douglas Adams, amazon.com
“"The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."”— Douglas Adams, amazon.com
“The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”— Douglas Adams, amazon.com
“EXCLUSIVE: Microsoft’s Satya Nadella accidentally acquired LinkedIn as he tried to delete his account.”— Steven Millward, twitter.com
“I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.”— Kanye West, marieclaire.co.uk
“It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.”— Chelsea Handler, amazon.com