“I realized recently I'm old enough to side with all the mean bosses and parents in the rock videos from the 80s.”— Jeremy Dodd, twitter.com
“Never post text images or jokes, no matter how cool you think the text is. Also avoid posting random screenshots as most people really don’t like them.”— Emil Pakarklis, iphonephotographyschool.com
“Canada — what you get if America and Britain had a baby and abandoned it in the snow.”— John Oliver, youtube.com
“Don’t start giggling every time he tells a joke, especially if you don't really find it funny, because it'll look unnatural.”— Jennifer Houston, womanitely.com
“Memorize a great joke (or one that's so bad it's good). Knowing you can pull it out anytime means you'll never have an awkward pause in conversation. Plus, if you make someone laugh, you're totally in.”— Elisa Benson, seventeen.com
“Brb, attempting to fill the aching void with shit that will only make it bigger.”— so sad today, twitter.com
“No one grinds harder than the sun though. Straight up, no sick days, and shining 24/7.”— YA BOY BILL NYE, twitter.com
“He starts calling you by his last name. If he is already playfully joking about married life like this, there is absolutely no need to wonder. It’s coming.”— June, everafterguide.com
“You tell a joke; he rolls his eyes. You ask what he’s doing Friday, he snaps, ‘Why are you pressuring me?’ You complain about your boss, he sides with her!”— Lisa Lombardi, match.com
“Look at the time and tell him that you thought he would have kissed you by now. But say with a fun tone, not an accusatory one.”— Adriana, badgirlsbible.com
“You no longer want to bring your significant other around your friends or family because you're afraid he will berate you and humiliate you in front of your loved ones.”— Adriana Velez, thestir.cafemom.com
“Your partner tells mean, inappropriate and demeaning jokes, with you as the punch line.”— David Wolfe, davidwolfe.com
“My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!!!That's the best I've done so far!”— Shit Jokes, twitter.com
“'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked: 'because they lessen from day to day.'”— Lewis Carroll, amazon.com
“He can’t take a joke. The fuckboy isn’t often intelligent enough to recognize sarcasm or satire, he will therefore take great offense to anything he sees as a personal attack, particularly if it’s regarding football, cricket or another of his favorite sports.”— Tristen Lee, pollygolightly.com
“I think every joke that someone's made about me, I made first. (And probably better.)”— Willam Belli, youtube.com