“Joey: ‘What are we doing?’ Chandler: ‘Wasting our lives.’ Joey: ‘I meant for lunch.’”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Rachel: ‘You idiot!’ Chandler: ‘I’m sure you’re right, but why?’”— Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, amazon.com
“Monica: 'Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.' Chandler: 'Uh, so how many cameras are actually on you?'”— Chandler Bing, Monica Geller, amazon.com
“Phoebe: 'You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.' Chandler: 'Maureen Rosilla.' Ross: ''Cause she doesn’t hate Yanni’ is not a real reason.'”— Chandler Bing, Ross Geller, Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.”— Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“Chandler: 'I'm being transferred to Yemen.' Janice: 'I'll write you everyday...15 Yemen Road, Yemen.'”— Chandler Bing, Janice Hosenstein, amazon.com
“Couldn’t we just lose our virginities again? Because I think, actually, mine is growing back.”— Chandler Bing, amazon.com
“Joey: ‘It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.’ Chandler: ‘Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Suppose we’re a divorced couple.' Chandler: 'Okay.' Joey: 'And I got custody of the kid, right? Now, suppose the kid dies and I gotta buy a new kid.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Joey: 'Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she’s like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!' Chandler: 'Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.'”— Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani, amazon.com
“Phoebe: 'Hey, you know what I just realized? ‘Joker’ is ‘poker’ with a ‘J’. Coincidence?' Chandler: 'Hey, that’s ‘joincidence’ with a ‘C’.'”— Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, amazon.com
“With kids it's so funny because they're not strong enough to kill you. But they want to kill you so bad.”— Tina Fey, youtube.com
“A blonde wearing an eye-patch and missing a leg, walks into a bar and a brunette waitress says, 'Oh my god look at that one-eyed, one-legged skank!' and the blonde spins round shouting 'Where, where, I don't see her!'”— Reddit, reddit.com
“A blonde a brunette and a red head jumped off a cliff. Who hits the ground last? The blonde because she stopped and asked for directions.”— Reddit, reddit.com