It's Time We Erase Toxic Masculinity

“The most dangerous phrase in the English language is 'be a man'.”

— Eva Wiseman, theguardian.com

“All men support and perpetuate sexism and sexist oppression in one form or another … Like women, men have been socialized to passively accept sexist ideology. While they need not blame themselves for accepting sexism, they must assume responsibility for eliminating it.”

— Bell Hooks, amazon.com

“We have this kind of male pride thing. We say, ‘I can look after myself. I don’t need to talk to anyone,’ and it’s a complete fallacy. Not communicating helps to kill us.”

— Mike Jenn, nytimes.com

“It’s okay to cry.”

— Morrie Schwartz, amazon.com

“Being a man was not the opposite of being feminine or emotional. It was the opposite of being childish and immature. It meant having the courage to face your fears and responsibilities, but also not being afraid of your emotions or weaknesses.”

— Matthew Ryder, theguardian.com

“When men seek that control — when we feel it’s our due — and don’t achieve it, we can resent and hate. Toxic masculinity sets expectations that prime us for disappointment. We turn that disappointment on ourselves and others as anger and hatred.”

— James Hamblin, theatlantic.com

“We know from 40 years of research that the younger boys get to porn, the more it limits their capacity for intimacy, the more it decreases their empathy for rape victims, the more it increases depression and anxiety, and the more likely they are to engage in risky sexual behavior... now we have a ge…”

— Gail Dines, youtube.com

“If toxic masculinity was just about men posturing around each other in a comical fashion, that would be one thing, but this persistent pressure to constantly be proving manhood and warding off anything considered feminine or emasculating is the main reason why we have so many damn shootings in the U…”

— Amanda Marcotte transcribed by James Hamblin, theatlantic.com

“I'm a man, and I've got to look like a man. And I can't admit that I'm afraid, I can't say that I'm weak. I can't say that I'm tired. I'm not allowed to say that I'm sleepy, or I'm hurt, or that I can't handle this... When I crack that egg for my son, he was free. And I've got to learn to keep crack…”

— Terry Crews, mic.com

“You will recall your femininity. It may seem to you then as if you were unmanly, stupid, and feminine so to speak. But you must accept the ridiculous, otherwise you will suffer distress, and there will come a time, when you are least observant, when it will suddenly round on you and make you ridicul…”

— Carl Jung, amazon.com

“Now there you have a sample of man’s ‘reasoning powers,’ as he calls them. He observes certain facts. For instance, that in all his life he never sees the day that he can satisfy one woman; also, that no woman ever sees the day that she can’t overwork, and defeat, and put out of commission any ten m…”

— Mark Twain, amazon.com

“There are many things men do to have the type of power we associate with masculinity: We have to perform and stay in control. We’re supposed to conquer, be on top of things, and call the shots. We have to tough it out, provide, and achieve. Meanwhile we learn to beat back our feelings, hide our emot…”

— Michael Kaufman, xyonline.net

“My father’s notion of being a man was also flexible. As I grew from a child of the 70s to an adult of the 90s, it grew with me. I learned that sometimes a man should back down from a fight; that real men are also feminists; and that not being seen as a ‘sissy’ is meaningless, while not being homopho…”

— Matthew Ryder, theguardian.com

“why is skin care seen as girly. it’s literally skin. sorry you love being crusty.”

— technicallity, technicallity.tumblr.com

“A lot of men wouldn't like being called a romantic. It's not macho enough. Quite often men are fools.”

— P.C. Cast, amazon.com

“This is where the argument risks losing traction, in that it has made men across the Internet defensive. ‘Not all men’ has been a boorish rejoinder to critiques of masculinity, but an informative one. No one wants to be implicated in this violence— not all gun owners, not all bipolar patients, not a…”

— James Hamblin, theatlantic.com

“In patriarchal culture men are not allowed to simply be who they are and glory in their unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do. In an anti-patriarchal culture males do not have to prove their value and worth. They know from birth that simply being gives them value, the rig…”

— Bell Hooks, amazon.com

“I think the big thing about feminism is that it scares men because, you know — the big deal is that people are scared of being controlled. ... I want to be clear that feminism is not saying "women are better than men." That's not what's going on. ... The problem is that men have always felt like the…”

— Terry Crews, mic.com

“Men who are afraid to feel keep women around to do their feeling for them while dismissing us for the same supposedly ‘inferior’ capacity to feel deeply. But in this way also, men deny themselves their own essential humanity, becoming trapped in dependency and fear.”

— Audre Lorde, challengingmalesupremacy.org

“I think my biggest ‘huh’ moment with respect to gender roles is when it was pointed out to me that your typical ‘geek’ is just as hypermasculine as your typical ‘jock’ when you look at it from the right angle. As male geeks, a great deal of our identity is built on the notion that male geeks are, in…”

— David J Prokopetz, prokopetz.tumblr.com

“Masculinity is a double-edged sword for a lot of men, even if they’ve never given thought to the subject—especially black men who have the desire to break away from the stereotypes. On the one hand, it would be great to expand the boundaries of what it means to be a man in this society. Why can’t we…”

— Rafi D'Angelo, slate.com

“When a mass shooting occurs, we talk about gun control and mental health issues, but we never talk about toxic masculinity or male violence. Women have access to guns. Women suffer from mental health issues. So what’s the difference? Why can’t we talk about it in those terms?”

— lezbianprince, lezbianprince.tumblr.com

“Boys’ underperformance in school has more to do with society’s norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones or brain structure. In fact, boys involved in extracurricular cultural activities such as music, art, drama and foreign languages report higher levels of school engagement and get bette…”

— Thomas A. DiPrete and Claudia Buchmann, pages.uoregon.edu

“Boys are taught, sometimes with the best of intentions, to mutate their emotional suffering into anger... Despite the emergence of the metrosexual and an increase in stay-at-home dads, tough-guy stereotypes die hard. As men continue to fall behind women in college, while outpacing them four to one i…”

— Andrew Reiner, nytimes.com

“We live in a culture that breeds people who are terrified of women who exercise bodily autonomy — especially when that autonomy involves decision-making around sex and family planning. When you combine that fear with a society that tells men they are entitled to women’s bodies, time, attention and a…”

— Emma Gray, medium.com

“Femininity is depicted as weakness, the sapping of strength, yet masculinity is so fragile that apparently even the slightest brush with the feminine destroys it.”

— Gwen Sharp, goodreads.com