“Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing? Lester Burnham: Nothing. Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating! Lester Burnham: I was not. Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were! Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying…”Tagged: masturbating
“Catering Boss: I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here. Ricky Fitts: Fine. So don't pay me. Catering Boss: Excuse me? Ricky Fitts: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone. Catering Boss: ...asshole. Lester Burnham: [stunned] I think you just became my…”Tagged: Quitting, asshole, personal hero
“My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.”Tagged: Dead Inside
“It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life…”Tagged: benevolent, Snow, Video, Electricity
“[Lester has just caught Caroline cheating with the Real Estate King] Carolyn Burnham: Uh, Buddy, this is my... Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.”Tagged: Cheating, Cuckolding
“Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one—the day you die.”Tagged: Death, hopeless
“[at the dinner table] Carolyn Burnham: Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey? Lester Burnham: Janie, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass…”Tagged: Unemployment, Quitting, Mother in Law, Blackmail
“Colonel Frank Fitts: Where did you get that? Ricky Fitts: From my job. Colonel Frank Fitts: Don't lie to me. Now, I saw you with him. Ricky Fitts: You were watching me? Colonel Frank Fitts: What did he make you do? Ricky Fitts: Oh, Dad, you don't really think that me and Mr. Burnham were... Colonel…”Tagged: Sucking Dick, male prostitution, Old Man, Fucking
“I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the…”Tagged: firebird, Pissed Off, boy scout, life flashing before your eyes