“Andrew: What, like a show about a bunch of kids masturbating? Nick: Isn't that technically child pornography? Maurice: Holy shit, I hope not! I mean, maybe if it's animated, we could get away with it. Right?”— Gil Ozeri, Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Nick Kroll, imdb.com
“Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing? Lester Burnham: Nothing. Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating! Lester Burnham: I was not. Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were! Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying…”— Alan Ball, Carolyn Burnham, Annette Bening, imdb.com
“Sitting around, smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute ‘plans.’”— Sam Catlin, Walter White, Bryan Cranston, imdb.com
“Masturbating is important, you know? You appreciate it more when you’re a parent. I look forward to masturbating more than sex. You know why? ‘Cause I know I’m gonna treat me right.”— Tom Segura, scrapsfromtheloft.com
“I'm texting you with one hand, and my other hand is busy doing something else.”— Adriana, badgirlsbible.com
“Your orgasms from masturbating are becoming weak and depressing. Is it possible to fake an orgasm while jacking off? Don’t stick around to find out!”— Ryan O'Connell, thoughtcatalog.com
“Masturbating while reading The Joy of Sex is frowned upon by Librarians. I know this now.”— The Cuntess, twitter.com
“Call him into the bedroom, so he can catch you masturbating. It’ll be an instant turn-on for him.”— Holly Riordan, thoughtcatalog.com
“Smoking marijuana, eating cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.”— Sam Catlin, Walter White, amazon.com
“And what's stopping these people from masturbating before they get in their car? Maybe it's time they got their own place, no?”— Dr. Ruth Westheimer, twitter.com