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Bruce Feirstein

44 quotesScreenwriter · United States Of America · Male

Bruce Feirstein (born 1956) is an American screenwriter and humorist, best known for his contributions to the James Bond series and his best-selling humor books, including Real Men Don't Eat Quiche and Nice Guys Sleep Alone. Real Men Don't Eat Quiche was on The New York Times Bestseller List for 53 weeks. 2Career Feirstein attended Boston University, where he served as managing editor for the student newspaper, The Daily Free Press. After graduation, he worked as an advertising copywriter, winning 11 Clio Awards, and three One Show Gold Pencils for his work on corporate and political advertising campaigns, for clients including BMW, FedEx, Michael Dukakis, and Sony. He then became a freelance writer for many publications, including The Sunday New York Times Magazine (where he substituted for Russell Baker), The New Republic, New York Magazine, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, The New Yorker, the East Hampton Star and Playboy. He was a contributing editor at Spy, worked for Howell Raines writing editorials for The New York Times, and has written the (largely) humorous "New Yorker's Diary" for the New York Observer since 1994. He has been a contributing editor at Vanity Fair since 1995, and a columnist at Strategy + Business magazine since 2000. His work has also appeared on-line at Salon.com and Inside.com. In television, Feirstein worked very briefly on Saturday Night Live, was an on-air contributor to ABC's Days End, and was nominated for a Cable-Ace Award for his one-act HBO play The Best Legs in the Eighth Grade, starring Tim Matheson and James Belushi. He was also the story editor on the Fox Network series M

All Threat (3)balls (2)Guns (2)Double Entendre (2)Business (2)Misandry (2)Reckless Driving (2)Sarcasm (2)Corruption (1)feeling alive (1)Filthy (1)already dead (1)Suicide (1)specialty (1)Genius (1)

From “The World Is Not Enough”

There's no point living if you can't feel alive.

Living feeling alive

James Bond: What do I need to defuse a nuclear bomb? Dr. Christmas Jones: Me.

nuclear bomb defuse Double Entendre

James Bond: What business do you have with Elektra King? Zukovsky: I thought it was you who was giving her the business.

Business Double Entendre

Welcome to my nuclear family.

nuclear family

Lachaise: I'm giving you the opportunity to walk out with the money, Mr. Bond. James Bond: I'm giving you the opportunity to walk out with your life.

Opportunity Threat

Lachaise: So good of you to come see me, Mr. Bond, particularly on such short notice. James Bond: If you can't trust a Swiss banker, what's the world come to?

short notice swiss banker Trust

[Bull is shot to see Zukovsky survived the explosion at the safehouse] Bull: Boss? You're alive! I'm so glad to see you! Zukovsky: Me too! [Shoots Bull]

pleased to meet you surprise murder

James Bond: Construction isn't exactly my speciality. M: Quite the opposite, in fact.

Construction specialty Opposite

James Bond: You would commit suicide for her? Renard: You forget. I'm already dead. James Bond: Haven't you heard? So is she.

Suicide already dead

Elektra King: I could have given you the world. James Bond: The world is not enough. Elektra King: Foolish sentiment. James Bond: Family motto.

Motto The World

James Bond: [in bed with Jones] I was wrong about you. Dr. Christmas Jones: Yeah, how so? James Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.

Christmas Double Entendres orgasm

Cold-blooded murder is a filthy business.

Murder Filthy Business

Revenge is not hard to fathom for a man who believes in nothing.

Revenge Nihilism

Q: I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed. James Bond: And the second? Q: Always have an escape plan. [his final lines in the series]

Weakness Learning escape plan

From “GoldenEye”

[to Natalia] Take a seat, my dear. You know, James and I shared everything. Absolutely everything...to the victor go the spoils.

to the victor

He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head.

Misandry

I am invincible!

Invincible Confidence

[to Bond] If you think for one moment I don't have the balls to send a man out to die, your instincts are dead wrong. I have no compunction about sending you to your death. But, I won't do it on a whim. Even with your cavalier attitude towards life.

Death Threats balls

Governments change... the lies stay the same.

Governments Lies

Natalya Simonova: On the train, when you told him to kill me, and that I meant nothing to you, did you mean it? James Bond: Yes. Basic rule: always call their bluff.

calling bluff

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