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Catalog

Janis Allen

15 quotes

All Mystery Meat (1)Lobsters (1)Moon (1)Hunters (1)IQ (1)rape and pillage (1)Sexual Awareness Week (1)priapism (1)Peanuts (1)Responsibilities (1)Sex Drive (1)trout (1)Hot Dogs (1)Training (1)glands (1)

From “Meatballs”

[with the CITs around a campfire] It's a weird moon. The moon kills, you know. It feeds off the earth. On a night like this, one of us could get up in the middle of the night, grab an ax, and cut somebody's head off. I remember a night like this, a few years ago. A guy and a girl went out driving.…

Moon campfire stories Killer Criminally Insane

Tripper: Roxanne, I have what doctors call ‘very active glands.’ You're the first person I've told, my folks don't even know. Roxanne: Well, maybe you can have surgery without them knowing. Tripper: Awww, heck with surgery! Let's wrestle!

glands Surgery Sex Drive Wrestling

Rudy: I saw you dancing with Roxanne. Tripper: Oh yeah? Well, she sorta cornered me and there was nothing I could do without embarrassing her. Rudy: Do you like her? Tripper: Well I feel sorry for her, you know. She's got a glass eye. And, uh, I'm one of the few people who knows exactly which eye to…

Dancing player

Tripper: I'm takin' the C.I.T.s on an overnight for the next couple days so you're gonna have to do your own training, son. I want you to run two miles today and two and a half tomorrow. Rudy: I've never run that far. Tripper: Neither have I but somebody's gotta do it. I can't be expected to do it.…

Training Responsibilities

OK, the zone's not working. They're a little too big to play man-to-man. And we can't shoot for shit.

Basketball zone defense Shit

Important announcement—some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge trail and the fish and game commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three. So, if you're hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low.

Hunters Hunting Humans

You must be the short, depressed kid we ordered.

short depressed

Attention. Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed ‘some kind of beef.’

veal Beef Mystery Meat

Mmmmm. Look at all those steaming wieners. Do you know what they're saying? They're saying, ‘This is the year that Fink beats 'The Stomach'. [Fink picks up a hot dog and holds it to his ear] No, it's a couple of them over here... but they're saying it.

Hot Dogs Anthropomorphism

Kids are starving in India and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.

Starvation India sombrero Peanuts

Wendy: Tripper, I'm looking forward to some action this summer. I hope you can supply it. Tripper: I'll supply it for you, but the guy you gotta watch out for is Spaz! Wendy: Spaz? Tripper: He's a sex machine. Wendy: He couldn't wake me up with a trumpet and a drum! Tripper: Well I went out with him…

sex machine priapism

Attention campers, afternoon swim schedule is as follows. Advanced dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and I.Q. testing. All senior silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. All junior salmon, trout, and herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. And six-year-old tadpoles,…

campers Lobsters tadpoles trout herring

But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness Week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner…

Hookers Sexual Awareness Week rape and pillage

[entering party] Alright, virgins to the left, non-virgins to the right. [to Crocket and Wheels] You guys split 'em up however you want.

Virgins

Tripper: And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for…

God in Heaven Money

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