“My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.”Tagged: heart, Surgery
“Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake.”Tagged: Giving Birth, Married Couple
“My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.”Tagged: Sex, threesome, couple
“So today my wife was screaming ‘Give it to me, I’m so wet! give it to me! She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.”Tagged: Married Couple, Rain
“I got fired from PC World today. A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors. ‘Probably a shovel’ was not the right answer.”Tagged: Work, Ancestors
“I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I’m a fan.”Tagged: fan, party
“A vegan and crossfitter walks into a bar. I only know this because they started telling everyone within minutes of arriving.”Tagged: Vegans, Cross fit
“Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore it all and click ‘I agree’.”Tagged: argument, Relationship, agreement
“What is Marie Curie’s favorite food? Fission chips.”Tagged: Marie Curie, Fission, Science, invention
“My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her. I said, ‘Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”Tagged: Pregnancy, Temperature, Baby