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raydeep

10 quotes

All Married Couple (2)Fission (1)couple (1)party (1)Giving Birth (1)threesome (1)agreement (1)Baby (1)Cross fit (1)Temperature (1)Rain (1)Marie Curie (1)heart (1)Science (1)argument (1)

From “My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman.”

My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon.

heart Surgery

From “Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now.”

Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake.

Giving Birth Married Couple

From “My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.”

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

Sex threesome couple

From “So today my wife was screaming “Give it to me, I’m so wet! give it to me!””

So today my wife was screaming ‘Give it to me, I’m so wet! give it to me! She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.

Married Couple Rain

From “I got fired from PC World today.”

I got fired from PC World today. A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors. ‘Probably a shovel’ was not the right answer.

Work Ancestors

From “I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by.”

I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I’m a fan.

fan party

From “A vegan and crossfitter walks into a bar.”

A vegan and crossfitter walks into a bar. I only know this because they started telling everyone within minutes of arriving.

Vegans Cross fit

From “Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.”

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore it all and click ‘I agree’.

argument Relationship agreement

From “What is Marie Curie’s favorite food?”

What is Marie Curie’s favorite food? Fission chips.

Marie Curie Fission Science invention

From “My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.”

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her. I said, ‘Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.

Pregnancy Temperature Baby

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